Jesse's Past
by Mediatorgrrl
Summary: This is Jesse's POV in the end of Twilight... Not the typical tearjerker when Suze is in the hospital, but his thoughts on meeting her, and continuing till idk when! Please read and review! Much appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, here is my first fan fiction written on I'm not sure I like this one as much as the one I wrote on but it's okay... The translation for the Spanish is at the bottom in bold.

"_¿Jesse, podría usted ir por favor cheque los caballos? Había una muchacha extraña para arriba aquí anterior y no deseo su caos que causa con ellos_. (1)" Mrs. O'Neil was bustling around the kitchen fixing dinner.

"_Sí_, ma'am," I answered, setting down Daniel Defoe's, _Robinson Cruso, _and heading out to the back. Mrs. O'Neil was a very pleasant woman. A little overbearing at times, but still nice. She always means well.

I didn't tell her the true meaning of why I was going to see Maria. I didn't tell anyone. Everyone assumed that I was traveling to meet Maria at the church. I wasn't, to say the least. My letters that she sent me with the obvious spelling and grammar mistakes sat in a box on my dresser that I was utilizing for the night. I planned to break off the engagement. I couldn't marry a girl who I had no romantic feelings for, much less not being able to stand to be in the same room with her. She was my cousin, but she just wasn't right for me. Much as I couldn't marry her, I couldn't break things off publicly. I decided to gather my letters and explain to our family that… that… Well, I haven't worked that one out, because in truth, I knew they would know that I was breaking things off because of Diego. I couldn't humiliate her like that.

I approached the barn doors and had an eerie feeling that I wasn't going to like what I found. I swung the door open and heard a horse whinny. Louisa stuck her head out of her stall and thrust her nose at my hand, hoping to find a carrot that I may have stashed away for her. I turned around. I swear I heard something moving. I heard a shuffling sound. "How, are you, Louisa?" I murmured to the horse.

Then someone—or something—banged on the floorboards above. My hand froze on Louisa's gray back. Mumbling came from above. I heard it again; the banging was louder this time.

"Is someone there?" My answer was an even more thunderous pound than the last. It was coming from the hayloft. I advanced on the ladder leading up. I climbed the ladder steadily, sometimes the wooden bars groaning under my weight.

I pulled my upper half up onto the top. There lay a girl no more than sixteen. A piece of ragged cloth was tied around her mouth, to keep her from talking. Her hands and feet were roped together by something that I wouldn't even think of tying my horse up with. She was a very pretty girl. She froze when she saw me.

I pulled the rest of me up onto the loft and walked to her slowly, not wanting to alarm her.

"Miss?" She didn't answer. She was staring at my hands and my arms. Then she was watching my feet.

"Miss? Are you all right?" She seemed to come out of whatever stupor she was in and looked in my eyes. She seemed fragile, but strong at the same time, if that sounds possible. She seemed that she could put up with anything, but she had a softness in her eyes when I looked into them.

I crouched down next to her, and pulled a knife from my boot. Flicking the knife up to be used, I lowered it to her cheek. She watched in either terror or fascination. I assumed it was terror because most girls wouldn't find a man untying them fascinating. This lead me to say, "Don't be afraid." I felt like it was my duty to protect her. Not because I felt obligated, but because it just felt right to be there with her and look after her. "I'm going to untie you. Who did this to you?"

The gag came loose and she had red marks on her face where they cut into her flesh. She was a beautiful girl even with the red gashes. I cut loose her hands and she felt her mouth. She felt her wrists. They were the worst. They had angry red marks all around.

"Can you speak?" I slashed the ropes binding her feet. "Here." I handed her my flask full of water. She drank hastily. The ropes must have made her throat dry. "Easy," I warned. If she drank too much she could become ill.

It was then that I took the time to notice the appearance of her clothes. She had on pants with large holes in the knees and they were faded. She had on a leather coat with some form of shirt underneath.

"I can get you more. Stay here and I'll get help—"

On the word 'help' she reached forward and seized my shirtfront. The flask lay forgotten by her on the ground.

"No," she croaked. The rag had made her voice sound raspy and unhealthy. "Don't go."

"Who are you?" I asked. I picked up the flask and, I found that there was still some liquid in it, handed it back to her to drink. "Who did this? Left you here—like this?" Her clothes were that of an… an immoral woman. She seemed so innocent that this couldn't be the case. She must have been taken advantage of. The outraged me. What she said next confirmed my suspicions.

"A… a man," was her revelation.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I didn't understand how some men could do this to a young lady. She seemed so genuinely nice and kind.

_And very pretty_ said a voice in the back of my head. I ignored this voice and continued to ask the girl questions, making sure she was all right.

"And did this same man put you in these outlandish clothes?" I asked, looking at her odd clothing critically. At this comment, she seemed to brighten for a moment for which I could not understand.

She hesitated for a moment, obviously afraid of being hurt again. "Yes."

"I shall see him horsewhipped." How dare someone do this to a young girl? Like I said, she couldn't be more than fifteen or sixteen, my sister's age. If someone had done this to my sister, I would want punishment for the man who did this appalling crime. "Who are you? Your family must be looking for you—"

"Um," she interrupted. "No, they aren't. I mean… I doubt it. And my name is Suze."

Suze? What a peculiar name. "Soose?" I try saying it.

"Suze," she corrected me, laughing. She had a very nice laugh. Very gentle. "Susannah. As in, 'Oh, Susannah, Don't You Cry for Me.'" I smiled. She was funny.

She grimaced for a moment, as thought remembering a sad memory.

I ran through all the names I knew that this strange girl could belong to. I sat down beside her in the straw. "Susannah." She looked at me. "Susannah O'Neil, perhaps? You are related to Mr. and Mrs. O'Neil? Let me get them. I know they'll want to see you safe— "

"No," she said, shaking her head. "My, um, family is really far away. You can't get them. I mean, thank you, but… you can't get them." This was a very interesting girl.

Her family was far away and I found her here with this uncommon apparel.

"Then this man…? Who is he? I'll fetch the sheriff. He must pay for what he's done."

She looked as though she were debating with herself in her head.

"No," she said. "No, that's okay." What? Why would this young woman refuse to have a man punished for dishonoring her in this horrid way? "I mean, that's all right. Don't get the sheriff—"

It struck me. Could this Miss Susannah lady be afraid of this man that soiled her pureness? "You needen't fear him anymore, Susannah," I said gently. "I won't let him hurt you again." And I wouldn't. I felt such an overwhelming emotion of protection come over me the moment I saw this girl. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I would rather die a thousand deaths than let that malevolent creature near Susannah.

"I'm not afraid of him, Jesse," she defended herself.

"Then—" What did she just call me? No one calls me that except for my sisters and my mother. I've never even met this girl in my life. How would she know my name at all? "Wait. How did you know my name?" I stared at her. She looked down for a moment then back into my eyes. She has beautiful eyes. They are the color of emeralds. I held my gaze, though, and I didn't back down. She tucked a few strands of her chestnut colored hair behind her ear and out of her face.

"Do I know you? Have we met? Are you… are you one of the Anderson girls?"

"We haven't met. Yet." Yet? What does she mean 'yet'? We just met about thirty minutes ago, to my knowledge. "But… I know you. I mean, I know… about you."

"You do?" I thought a moment. Then everything fell into proper order. "Wait… yes! Now I know. You're friends with one of my sisters. From school? Mercedes? You know Mercedes?"

She shook her head no. Susannah started fumbling around in the pockets of her odd coat.

"Josefina, then?" I looked at her, trying to search her eyes. "You must be close to her age, fifteen, yes?" She gave no indication. I figured I had the wrong sister. "Mercedes? You know Mercedes? You can't know Marta, she's too old."

She shook her head again. She reached out her hand. There lay something that she had reached for in her pocket.

I looked down in her head. "_Nombre de Dios_," I said softly, taking the miniature from her outstretched hand. While I studied the picture of me, I noticed Susannah searching my face, my hands, everything.

"Where did you get this?" I demanded. Did she take this from Maria? Did Maria _give_ this to her? Maria is the only one who has this picture. I, in fact, have a similar one, only it is of Maria and not me. I was irate. How dare she take this? How dare she have this? "Only one person has a portrait like this," I thundered.

"I know," she confessed. "Your fiancée, Maria. You're here to marry her. Or at least, that's the plan. You're on your way to see her now, but her father's ranch is still pretty far off, so you're staying here for the night before you go on to her place in the morning."

What? How could she know this? I ran my hands through my hair, a nervous habit I've had all my life. She watched me do this and I saw her look away, but not before I noticed the tears in her eyes. Why was she crying?

"How do you know all this? You're… you're friends with Maria? Did she… did she give you this?"

"Not exactly." She looked at me with her big, green eyes. She took a deep breath.

"Jesse, my name is Susannah Simon," she said this all in a rush, as though trying to get it out in one breath. "I'm what's called a mediator. I'm from the future. And I'm here to keep you from being murdered tonight."

Okay, time for me to call a doctor.

**(1) "Jesse, could you go and check the horses? There was a strange girl up here earlier and I don't want her causing chaos with them."**

**Okay, that is the first part. I've got some more in my head and I hope I can get it out soon. Please review!**

**Thanks so much,  
MG**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, okay, sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, but it was the first week of summer break and it still doesn't feel like break. Trust me, though, the summer part is certainly here! lol

Thanks for all the reviews I got and this chapter is dedicated to My Best Friend! She should know who she is!

So, last time I forgot to put in the disclaimer, so here it is now:

I don't own anyone. I really don't even own the plot because I'm just doing someone else's point of view, but I really wish I owned Jesse. In a purely historical useage, of course! LOL!

So, here is your next chapter of Jesse's Past...

_**Chapter Two**_

"Jesse, my name is Susannah Simon," she said this all in a rush, as though trying to get it out in one breath. "I'm what's called a mediator. I'm from the future. And I'm here to keep you from being murdered tonight."

Okay, time for me to call a doctor.

I gaped at her. She looked… sad. She didn't appear to be **_loco_** at first glance. She looked sane. I still stared at her. She must be suffering from an imbalance of the mind. To claim you are from the future is foolish and ridiculous and idiotic and bizarre.

Susannah looked like she was about to say something, and then refrained.

All she let on was, "Jesse. Did you hear me? I said I'm here from the future to save you from being—"

"I heard what you said." I smiled at her gently. "Do you know what I think would be best? If you would let me get Mrs. O'Neil. She'll take good care of you while I go to town to get a doctor. Because I think the man who did this to you—tied you like this—might also have hit you on the head—"

"Jesse," she interjected, her voice flat. She looked like I had just let her down. I felt bad for her. She was clearly not right in the head. I would have to tell her this. She broke through my thoughts, saying, "Paul," this must be the man who tied her up, "didn't hit me in the head. All right? I'm fine. A little thirsty still, but otherwise fine. I just need you to listen to me. Tonight Felix Diego is going to sneak into your room here at the boarding house and strangle you to death. Then he's going to throw your body into a shallow grave, and no one is going to find it until a century and half later when my step-dad installs a hot tub on our deck."

I have to say that my first thought was wondering what the heck a hot tub was, but I assumed we had a larger crisis on our hands than my lack of hot tub knowledge. I gazed down at her, lying on the ground, pityingly. I felt so sorry that a woman so young and seemingly vibrant could be hurt so badly, physically and mentally.

"Jesse, I'm serious. You've got to go home, okay? Just get back on your horse and turn around and go home, and don't even think about marrying Maria de Silva," she begged.

She can't be serious. Maybe she isn't insane. Maybe Maria sent her. I wouldn't put it past her. She is that desperate to not marry me. She is that defiant that she will make a girl come here and lie to me and embarrass me to make sure I don't go to marry her or at least save face when I deny the marriage.

I finally spoke my pondering. "Maria did send you." My face contorted in anger. "This

is her way of trying save face, is it? Well you can go back to your mistress and tell her it won't work. I won't have her family thinking I wasn't gentleman enough to break it off in person—no matter who she sends with strange tales to frighten me off. I'm going to see her tomorrow whether she likes it or not."

She blinked her big, pretty, emerald eyes up at me. Her mouth hung open slightly as if trying to comprehend what I was saying.

Then her mouth snapped shut. She was breathing heavy as an optimistic look crossed her face.

"Wait. Hold on. Jesse, Maria didn't send me. I don't even know Maria. Well, I mean, we've met, but—"

"You have to know her." I looked down at the small, framed portrait in my hands. Susannah handed it to me moments before. "She gave this to you. She must have. How else could you have gotten it?"

"Um," she mumbled, with a shrug. "Actually, I stole it."

She stole it? She was a thief along with a liar/mental? This made me irate that Maria could think so little of me that she would go to these lengths to get out of our engagement.

She must have noticed my mood change, because she then said, hastily, "Oh, no!" She held up both hands to me, looking startled. "Down boy! I didn't steal it from your precious Maria." I almost interrupted to state that Maria wasn't precious to me, but I decided not to for two reasons. It wouldn't be very gentlemanly and I wanted to hear Susannah's explanation as quickly as possible. "Believe me. I stole it from the Carmel Historical Society, okay? A museum, where it had been sitting for God knows how long. In fact, I bet if you check with good old Maria, she still has hers. Her portrait of you, I mean."

How could Maria have her portrait of me when Susannah was dangling it in front of my face? It was bizarrely idiotic. "There were not duplicates made," I stated in a hard tone.

"I know that!" She didn't sound mad, just panicked. "But look at the one you're holding, Jesse. Look how old it looks, how cracked the paint is, how tarnished that frame's gotten. That's because it's nearly two hundred years old. I stole it in the _future_, Jesse. I used it to help me get back her, to the past, so I could warn you…" She trailed off for a moment, getting a far off look in her eyes. But she regained her composure and trudged on. "You've got to believe me, Jesse. Paul—the guy who tied me up—will back me up on this. He's out looking for Felix Diego right now to try to stop him before he can get to you—" The story didn't even concur. If they were both trying to save me, then why had the Paul person tie Susannah up here? They were both working for the same goal. I couldn't decide if she was mental or lying.

I cut her off with a shake of my head. "I don't know who you are," I said, in an even tone that seemed to startle her. The hurt from my manner made her eyes look betrayed.

"But I'm returning this—" I suspend the portrait in front of her face. "—to its rightful owner. Whatever game you're playing, it ends _now_. Do you understand?" I was sick and tired of her trying to convince me of something I knew wasn't true and underestimating my intelligence enough to actually believe I would fall for her stupid tales.

She looked mad now. Not only mad; she also looked distraught. "There's no game, Jesse, okay? If this were just a game—if Maria really did send me—how would I know the stuff I know? How would I know that Maria and Diego are secretly in love? How would I know that your girlfriend—who is quite the skank, by the way—doesn't want to marry you at all? And that her dad doesn't approve of Diego and thinks if she marries you she'll forget about him eventually? How do I know that the two of them have cooked up a scheme to kill you tonight and hide your body so it looks as though you skipped out on the engagement—"

No, this was not happening. She was starting to make me understand, maybe even believe her. I couldn't. She was mental. There was something not right in her head!

_But how could she know this?_ asked the same voice that pointed out that this mysterious Miss Susannah was very pretty.

What I said aloud was, "_Nombre de Dios_." I stood up and let out a few Spanish curses. Okay, so maybe more than a few. I paced the loft, the floorboards squeaking and sometimes swaying under my weight. She appeared fascinated in my footsteps. I think I even saw tears in her eyes when she looked away from me. This girl was weird.

I stopped pacing and turned to her, grabbed her arms and shook her ferociously. She looked at me, scared. She didn't even look that scared when I found her bound at the wrists and ankles by the Paul character. I was too angry to register how this made me feel. Scaring her, that is.

"You know all this because Maria told you!" I yelled at her through gritted teeth. "Admit it! Shot told you!" I let go of her so abruptly that she stumbled backward, even though she was still sitting.

I groaned in pent-up frustration and dragged my hand through my hair.

She looked down at her arms in trepidation. She looked shocked by my outburst.

"Look, I'm sorry," she expressed. She sounded sincere. I thought she meant about trying to fool me. I kind of felt like I should be the one apologizing. She wasn't the one who grabbed and shook the other. I thought this when she explained her contrition. "I mean, about your girlfriend wanting to kill you and all." My, what a poetic way to phrase that. "Even if you were going to, you know, break up and all. But if it's any consolation, I do think you're a lot better off without her. I mean, the only times I ever met her, she was tryin to kill me, too, but still. Better you find out she's a skank now, you know, and break it off cleanly, than find out after you're married. Because I don't even know if they let people get divorced in, you know, your time."

I was so mad at her that I didn't even scold her for using such crude language. "Stop saying that!" Both my hands flew to my head and grasped my hair.

"What? Skank? Well, okay. But this girl seems like major bad news."

"No." I turned on my heel to glare at her, her eyes anxious over the intensity that my icy glower had. She seemed to shrink back emotionally. "_Your time. The future._ You…you…I'm sorry, Miss Susannah. But I'm going to have to get the sheriff after all. Because you are very clearly not right in the head."

Something I said seemed to have goaded her, if what she said next was any indication, "_Miss_ Susannah?" she squawked. Her tone was offended. "So it's Miss Susannah, is it? Oh, that's just great. I come all the way back here, risking major brain cell burnout, and you don't even believe me? I basically guaranteeing myself a lifetime of heartbreak, and all you have to say is that you think I'm not right in the head? Thanks a lot, Jesse. No, really. That's just fine." Heartbreak? Why would she be heartbroken if I lived tonight?

My thoughts were cut short when I heard her voice break and a sob escape her lips. I just stood there while Susannah buried her head in her hands and cried. It was a sound I didn't like hearing and I hoped I never had to hear it again. It was the sound of utter despair. I hated it. It wasn't loud. It wasn't even audible almost. But I heard her sobbing in her hands. The miserable sniffles, the occasional sharp intake of a stabbing breath. We stood there for what felt like years. I couldn't comfort her, but I couldn't just stand there either. I just stared at her.

She was still crying when she looked up at me. She didn't seem to care if I saw her tears.

"Doctor," she said.

"Yes," I agreed, pulling a handkerchief from my pants pocket. "Let me get one for you. I really feel that, despite what you say, Miss Susannah, you are unwell—"

"No." She pushed the cloth away impatiently. "Not for me. You." I almost had to laugh at what she suggested. Me? In need of a doctor?

A small smile pulled at the corner of my lips, condescendingly. "_I_ need a doctor? I assure you, Miss Susannah, I have never felt fitter in my life."

"No." She stumbled to her feet. The bandages she had been wearing for the period of time made her legs weak and wobbly. It was the first time she tried to stand since I had met her.

She now stood, breathing hard in front of me. I had a feeling this was not caused from physical exertion, but from the feelings bottled up inside her. Susannah looked at me with renewed emotion. Hope, that new emotion was hope.

"A doctor," she repeated. She looked into my eyes and I couldn't suppress the flutter that her eyes caused me to feel in my heart. I was a good six or seven inches taller than her, but she looked at me with a determined look on her features. "You secretly wanted to be a doctor." I stared at her. How could she know this bit of information that I haven't told a soul in my life? Not even Mercedes. "You haven't asked him, but you know your father won't let you. He needs you to run the ranch, because you're the only boy. They couldn't spare you long enough for you to get through medical school, anyway."

I believed her. Don't get me wrong, I was wondering how she knew all this, but I believed her. Maybe not whole-heartedly, but I believed her for the most part.

"How…?" I stared down at her small form in utter incredulity. "How could you possibly have…? I never told anyone that."

She reached out and took one of my hands in both of hers. I was surprised at how warm they were. And how shaky. Her pale hands against my dark tan ones were big in color contrast. But they fit perfectly.

"You told me, Jesse," she whispered, vehemently. "You told me in the future." She seemed so passionate about this.

I shook my head but it was feeble.

"That… that's not possible," I stuttered.

"Yes," she urged. "Yes, it is. You see, what happens tonight is that Diego kills you. But only your body dies, Jesse. Your soul doesn't go anywhere, because… well, because I think it wasn't supposed to happen like that." She gazed up at me tenderly, endearingly, still, I noticed, holding my hand. "I think you were supposed to live. But you didn't. So your soul hung around until I came along, about a hundred and fifty years later. I'm someone who helps… well, people who've died. You told me you wanted to be a doctor, Jesse. You told me in the future. Do you believe me now? Will you _please_ go away from here and never come back?"

I looked down at our fingers entwined. Susannah's hands were so soft against my calloused ones. I didn't say anything for a few minutes. Susannah didn't say anything, just watched me. She was patient in waiting for it all to sink in. She didn't rush me; she didn't pressure me.

I had to say something after a few moments. Something that would comfort her and tell her that I believed her. I now believed her whole-heartedly.

"If you know something like that about me," I said softly, "about my wanting to be a doctor—something I have never told Maria—or any living person—then I must… I suppose I must… believe you." I truly meant every word I said.

"So," she said. "Now you know. You've got to get out of here, Jesse. Just get on your horse and ride." Her voice was full of triumph. She sounded so thrilled that I was going to be safe, but I heard an undercurrent of remorse and regret.

"I will."

We were standing so close I could feel all her body heat radiating off of her. I wondered if we had been in love where she came from. To feel so strongly about this, we must have been terribly close. I could feel her from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

"But not," I stated, dropping her hands because I couldn't understand the way my heart wouldn't stop beating to the rhythm of a drum roll, "tonight." I walked away from here and the cold night air rushed into all the places that she had occupied seconds before with her body.

"W-what?" she stammered. "Not what?"

"Not tonight," I stated. What if this man came back for her? Diego wouldn't presume that I would sleep in the barn and I would be able to protect Susannah all through the night. I didn't think she would like the idea of someone protecting her while risking his or her life, so I neglected to mention that part in my reel. "Tomorrow I will ride to the de Silva's ranch to speak with Maria and her father. But not tonight. It's growing late. Too late to travel. I'll stay here tonight, and leave in the morning."

"But you can't!" There was terror in her voice. Stark white terror. "You've got to leave now, Jesse, tonight! You don't understand, it's too dangerous—"

I smiled at her. A real genuine smile, too. Nothing condescending or rude or mean about it. I smiled down at this amazing girl in front of me. "I can take care of myself, Miss Susannah. I'm not afraid of Felix Diego."

She gaped at me. "Well you should be!" she all but screamed. "Considering he kills you!"

"Ah," I corrected. "But if I understand you correctly, that was before you came to warn me… for which I thank you."

"Jesse," she pleaded desperately. "You can't spend the night in that house. Do you understand? It's way, way too dangerous."

"I understand," I stated, simply. I seemed to surprise her with my straightforward remark.

"You do?" She ogled. "Really? Then you'll go?"

"No. I won't go."

"But—"

"I will stay here," I stated, nodding to indicate the loft. "With you. Until morning."

"Here?" she echoed. "Here… in the barn?"

"With you," I added, plopping myself down next to her standing form.

"With me?" She dropped down to the floor next to me.

"Yes." I looked at her and realization dawned on her face. I hadn't meant for her to know I was staying to protect her, but she figured it out. It must be how I am in the future. I saw her swallow hard and blink really fast before looking at me again.

I wondered… "I have to ask, though… why?" This had been bothering me for a long time. Was it because we were in love in the future as I had guess earlier? Did she want me gone from her in the future? Why?

My question threw her. "Why what?" she asked. She was looking in my eyes and hers appeared to have glazed over.

"What did you do this—come all this way—to warn me about Diego?"

She wanted to say something. I know she did. She wanted to say something important. It was on the tip of her tongue when her body refrained and she merely admitted, "Because it isn't right, what happened to you. That's all." I had a feeling that wasn't all, but I didn't press the matter. She had been so honest through all of this that if she didn't want to tell me this, she had the right to decline.

Just as the words were dying from her lips, a cold, familiar voice broke over hers. "Señor de Silva?"

Well, there it is! Deigo made his first appearence... Now please press the pretty blueish purpleish button that makes my day!

Love,  
MG


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, third chapter here in Meg's wonderful world of, what fanatics like to call, the MEDIATOR! YEAH!As per usual, theSpanish translations are at thebottom... or asclose as a translation asI could get them!

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!You guys are so nice! I hope I get at least 20 before thisstory is over for me!

I think I mightpostaone shot I wrote awhile ago. I'm not sure, but I might. Oh, and everybody is always talking aboutBettas or something. I havebeen coming tothis site for almost a year or more, but I just signed up for it about threemonths ago and I have noidea what people always mean when theysay they need a betta!

Sooooo...Here it is; I hope you enjoy it!

**_

* * *

_ **

Jesse's Past

_**Chapter 3**_

Just as the words were dying from her lips, a cold, familiar voice broke over hers. "Señor de Silva?"

Susannah froze besides me. I could feel the terror radiating off of her. She reached out a hand and grasped my upper arm.

"It's him," she whispered. I stood up, causing her to drop my arm. So, she was right. I believed her before, but now she has proof. Where I was standing, I wasn't sure if Susannah could read my expression, but I know she believes me when I say I trust her. I don't trust Diego. I wouldn't grant him the time to spit in his face. He wasn't worth it.

Even though I already knew who the trespasser was, I asked, "Who's there?" I lifted the lantern I had carried from the house up to see ahead of me. I turned the knob so the luminosity was greater.

(1)"_It yo, _Felix Diego," came the voice of my assumed killer.

(2)"_¿Hay una razón que usted ha venido verme? Soy un hombre ocupado, yo no tengo tiempo para las distracciones_," I told him, impatiently. Susannah looked confused. She obviously didn't speak a word of Spanish.

(3) "Venga por favor con mí. Usted el suegro futuro, mi amo, quisiera que usted estuviera en su más cómodo antes de su boda maravillosa mañana a Srta. Maria de Silva. Vengo por favor y le funcionaré un baño caliente y calmaré sus nervios para mañana. Señora ÓNeil casi es el cocinar hecho. Ella desea saber donde usted está. ¿Usted tiene todo que usted está en necesidad de de mañana? Estoy aquí escoltarle en su manera a la iglesia." His voice was silky and sweet, but my Uncle Carlos never sent anyone when I came for a visit. What made this time different, besides coming for a wedding?

(4 Eso es muy bueno de usted. Pero tengo todo que podría desear. El estar con los caballos me calma. Una de ellos es enferma. Necesito permanecer y tomar el cuidado de él. Diga a mi tío que sea agradecido a él," I declined.

"Su caballo mira en condiciones finas. Venga con mí y tenga una botella de cerveza. ¡Su ayer por la noche como hombre solitario!" he exclaimed. I turned the offer down.

He turned and left. At least that is what he wanted me to think.

"Well?" Susannah inquired anxiously. I held up a single palm to quiet her. I was not sure that my murderer was fully gone.

I lingered for an hour. I stood next to Susannah and waited for an hour to make sure he didn't come back to kill me. Susannah didn't object. She just sat there, waiting for me. She didn't pressure me, once again.

I waited until all you could see from was the small light provided by my lantern until I told her. "It was Felix Diego. He said his master—Maria's father—had sent him to see that I had everything I needed to be comfortable and to escort me on the remainder of my journey tomorrow."

"Has Maria's father ever done that when you've come to visit before?" she asked, voicing what I had been thinking just an hour before. I got the feeling she did that a lot in the future.

"No," I replied, tersely. To tell you the truth, being so close with Susannah in the future is very odd. I hardly knew anything about the girl, but she seemed to know everything about me. And not just the things you would find in a history book. But she knew me. Knew my soul.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I'd be here all night. Because my horse was sick. He said my horse looked fine to him and suggested I join him for a bottle—."

She sucked in her breath. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she asked scornfully.

"Of course not," I breathed. Then I looked at her. She had been right all along. Sure I believed her, but it didn't really sink in until now. She had come to stand next to me while we were talking. We were too close. You could fit a hair in between us and that is it.

"I think you're right. I think he does mean to kill me." She looked smug, but only for a moment, before her facial emotion turned to grief.

Wow. I couldn't believe this. I knew Maria hated the idea of marrying me, but to go as far as killing me? I was staring off into space when another rage took over me. How dare someone tie Susannah up and leaver her up here? That is awful. She was trying to do such a noble thing…

I felt Susannah's eyes on me for a long time until we heard the barn door screech open. We jumped and turned to look at the ladder, which was now groaning under the weight of a very heavy male.

Susannah took a step forward, advancing on the trespasser. She looked livid. I threw my hand out to stop her, knowing that Diego, which was who I suspected was climbing those ladder steps, was going to get a punch in the face if I let Susannah near him. I had to cover him on my own. This was my fight.

I saw a mop of blond curls appear over the loft's horizon, followed by a man.

"Oh, great," said this blond man, after he pulled his whole body up onto the loft. "Oh, this is just great. What's _he_ doing here?" The man glared at me and I glared right back. I didn't like this person. I wasn't going to let him near Susannah. But he seemed to be addressing her. I hoped we weren't friends in Susannah's time.

"He just found me, Paul," she growled at this man—Paul. His gaze bore into mine and I didn't back down. This must be the man who put her up here. He was malicious and a criminal. And he hurt _querida_. No, I can't think that about her!

_But she's different than everyone else. She's special_ said the same voice that has told me all the other inappropriate thoughts of Susannah.

I could feel the muscle in my neck convulsing. I merely nodded my head in Paul's direction, and without taking my eyes off of Paul, I asked Susannah, "Is this him? The man who tied you up?"

She didn't hesitate before saying, "Yeah, that's him," as thought this were nothing.

She looked down and noticed my hands clench to fists. That's when she started to cry out. I didn't hear what she said; it was already too late.

I had launched myself at Paul. How dare he hurt her? How dare he lay a single unworthy finger on her? He didn't deserve to know her in the future! I pinned him to the ground and wound my fist back and plowed it into his face. The weight of two grown men had sent the loft vibrating and the horses down below whinnying and thumping in their stalls.

"Stop it!" I heard Susannah yell, her small hands gripped my shoulder. I knew she wouldn't be able to pull me off of him. I was probably twice her weight, if not tripled and six inches taller. She was strong, but not that strong.

"Get him off me! Suze, get him _off_—"

I let go of him. I stood up, breathing hard. He was week. He wasn't going to fight me. I wanted to pummel him into the ground. My shirt had become unbuttoned in the fight. Susannah seemed to have a hard time keeping her eyes looking into mine. Susannah kept her hand on my chest and I wanted her to stop touching me there. She was making me very jumpy. My heart was thumping hard in my chest, but not because I just got in a brawl.

"What the—" Paul said, brushing hay off of his clothing. "God, Suze. What did you tell him about me? Doesn't he know that _I'm_ the good guy here? You're the one who was going to let him get—" Let him get what? He's the good guy? In his dreams.

Susannah cut him off. "He knows."

Paul stared at her quizzically for a moment before saying, "He knows? As in… _knows _knows?"

"He knows," she echoed, severely.

"Well," Paul said, looking smugly captivated. "What brought about that little change of heart? I thought—"

"That was before," Susannah said hurriedly.

"Before _what_?" Paul pulled a piece straw from his hair.

"Before I saw him," she responded meekly. She wouldn't look at me and Paul almost looked sympathetic. I had no idea what was going on, but from what I gather, Susannah seems sad… About what, is a mystery.

Paul didn't say anything but I had to tell him what was on my mind. "I don't know if it's considered normal in the time you come from to leave woman bound and gagged. But in this day and age, allow me to assure you that such behavior would generally land a _gentleman_ in jail." Paul was the last thing I would compare to a gentleman.

Paul just looked at me with a blank face. "You know. I think I liked your ghost better."

Susannah chose this time to jump in with, "He's here. Felix Diego."

"I know. I followed him back here," Paul supplied. He is completely useless.

"I thought you were going to get rid of him!" shouted Susannah.

"Yeah, well I couldn't' just walk up to him and suck out his soul in front of everyone." Suck his soul out? Is this man a spawn of Satan? The way Susannah looks at him, he could be.

"Why not?" she ventured.

"Because I would've gotten shot, that's why not!" I didn't mention that this could be an improvement as opposed as a hindrance.

"But you could've just shifted back to the future—" I took a wild guess and assumed that _shifting_ is what they call it when the travel to and from the time they live in.

"Uh, and left you tied up in Mrs. O'Neil's hayloft. I don't think so. I had to come back and rescue you." It was the first kind thing I heard out of his mouth. "I didn't know, of course, that Prince Charming here had come along and done it for you," he said, scornfully.

"So what are we going to do?" Susannah asked Paul.

"Well," he thought aloud. "What does Wonderboy want to do?"

"Wonderboy?" I asked. I stared menacingly at Paul's bored form. "Is this person a friend of mine from the future?" I asked Susannah, meaning both Paul and this Wonderboy person I had yet to meet.

"No," she quieted me. "I tried to get him to leave, but he won't go."

Paul looked at me. "Buddy. I'm not telling you this because I like you. Believe me. But if you stay here, you're gonna get iced. Simple as that. That Diego guy? He means business." I didn't know what 'iced' meant, but I didn't ask.

"I'm not afraid of him," I stated, as if talking to children. Why don't they get that? Besides, I'm not going to let him near her tonight. What if he does something worse? As far as I know at this moment, Susannah is still pure and innocent. And I'm going to keep it that way.

"See what I mean?" She asked him desperately.

"Great." Paul sat down on the hay bail and looked pained. "This is just great. So when Diego comes to kill him, he can take a crack at you and me, too."

I wouldn't let that happen to _querida_. Susannah opened her mouth to retort back at Paul, but I cut over her. "If you think I would leave you alone with her again, you don't know me at all in this future you speak of."

"Don't worry," Paul said, holding his hands up despairingly. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Jesse. Well, that's it then." Paul leaned back in the straw, making himself comfortable. "We wait. And if he comes back, thinking you've fallen asleep and he can do the job out here, we take him."

"No," I said, resolutely. I wasn't going to raise my voice again in front of a lady. But I think my tone got the message across. "_I_ will take him."

"Uh, no offence," Paul cut in, "but Suze and I, we came here especially just to—"

"I said I'll do it," I said in the same voice I used before. "I'm the one he's come to kill. I'm the one who will stop him." Susannah and Paul looked at each other and he sighed.

"Fine. Wake me up when it's time to shift home."

Then, to my sheer amazement, he lay down on the horse blanket and appeared to fall right to sleep. How could he just fall asleep while Susannah didn't have anything to lay on at all. He just left her here to fend for herself and then he has no respect for her whatsoever. He is no gentleman and I sincerely hoped that we were not friends in the future.

I noticed Susannah watching me. "You two are friends in this place you come from?" I asked, my voice much less stark than it was when I had been addressing Paul.

"Uh," she stammered. "Not really. More like… colleagues. We both have the same… gift, I guess you would call it."

"For traveling through time," I added.

"Yes. And… other things."

"And when I kill Diego you'll go back where you come from?" I was going to miss Susannah. For only knowing her but a few hours, I had become intrigued with her and her lifestyle.

"Yes." Her voice was so quiet, almost inaudible. But I heard her. It cracked at the end.

"And you want to help me because…?" I had asked this question before, but she had forgotten to answer me.

She turned to look at me. The whole time she has been here, she seems to be drinking me in every time she gets a glimpse. I turned down the glow of the lantern so that Diego really did believe that I was asleep. But when Susannah looked at me just then, she seemed so lost. She just stared at me and stared at me. But I didn't feel uncomfortable. I felt observed, yes, but I felt like she knew me. I felt like, even though I barely knew this young girl standing in front of me, she saw me better than anyone. She knew about my wanting to become a doctor. She just knew my soul. I could tell in her eyes. And I never wanted to see the look—on anyone, but especially her—that she had on her face at that moment. There are no words to describe the complete and utter anguish that was in her eyes at that moment. She looked as if all hope was gone.

But she answered me in a voice, that I knew, was trying its hardest to stay steady, "Because it's what I do." Her tone was husky and rough, like she had a lump in her throat.

She coughed.

"And you do this for all who die before their time?"

"Uh, not exactly. Yours is kind of… a special case." Was I special to her in the future? So special that she would rather me have live without her, so that I didn't have to die to know her?

"And are all the girls from you time," I went on, thoughtfully, only noticing her eyes briefly, that whenever I spoke, they followed the lower half of my face, "like you?"

"Like me? Like… that they're mediators?"

"No," I shook my head. "Unafraid, like you. Brave, like you."

She smiled remorsefully. Susannah looked away from my eyes and down at a hole in her pants. "I'm not brave, Jesse." Her voice was calm, but heartrending. How can she say she isn't brave? She could be in the midst of a killer in a moment and all the women I know would have headed for the hills by now.

"You're staying here," I said, motioning around the loft. "Even though you know—or think you know—something terrible is going to happen." I got up and walked over towards the ladder.

"Well, sure," she explained. "Because that's the whole reason I came. To make sure it doesn't. Although, to be truthful…" She threw a watchful glance at Paul's sleeping form in case—and he probably was—he was listening. "—really I came here to stop him. Paul, I mean. From stopping Diego. Because you see, if you don't die tonight, you and I—in the future, where I come from—will never meet. And I couldn't bear to let that happen. And you even—in the future—said you didn't want that to happen. Only… only… here I am, letting it happen. So you see, I'm not brave at all."

I didn't want to not die? I wanted to die so that I could be with this girl? I find this so believable. I don't know who I am in the future, but that person—or ghost—doesn't seem that different that who I am now.

How can Susannah think she isn't brave? She chose to let me go so that I can live, but she will have to live without me. That is brave. She is destroying everything we were to each other in the future. Just so me, the alive me, can be happy.

_But are you happy? _asked the voice again.

"I think you're wrong," I stated, about her being not brave.

She smiled at me. It was the prettiest smile I have ever seen. It got wiped of her face in a matter of seconds when we both heard it.

**(1) It is…**

**(2) Is there a reason you have come to see me? I am a busy man; I don't have time for distractions.**

**(3) Please come with me. You future father-in-law, my master, would like you to be at your most comfortable before your wonderful wedding tomorrow to Miss Maria de Silva. Please come and I will run you a hot bath and soothe your nerves for tomorrow. Mrs. O'Neil is almost done cooking. She wants to know where you are. Do you have everything you are in need of for tomorrow? I am here to escort you on your way to the church.**

**(4) That is very kind of you. But I have everything I could want. Being with the horses soothes me. One of them is sick. I need to stay and take care of him. Tell my uncle that I am thankful to him.**

Okey-dokey, that is the 3rd chapter. Please review! It is much appreciated!

Love,

MG


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, as I semi-promised, I have the fourth chapter up! And do you want to know what time I posted it? 1:27. AM! And I'm hungry. And now I'm gonna be cranky tomorrow. lol Not TOO cranky, though! And my best friend is going on a trip this week, so I can't call her and bug her to review! And this isa different best friend than the one who I dedicated the second chapter to.

Okay, now, you guys have been slacking in reviews, and I'm not sure if it's because I've been slacking in quality of the story, or what, but I would really like to have at least fifty reviews by the time I'm finished. Yeah, I know: Miracle. That is the only way, but hey, who knows! lol

Disclaimer! I'm so proud! I've only forgotten twice!

Dudes, don't sue. I have nothing left to give! My wallet got stolen two weeks ago and I had a ton of money in it and now its down the tubes, so yeah. Pity me, don't sue me!

**_This chapter is dedicated_** to another one of my **BEST **friends, who will know who she is if she reads this. Sorry if I wasn't as good a friend to you as I should have been this past year. A lot has happened and I'm really sorry. I don't want to be like our _red head_. I'm here for you. Love you lots! And I hope you've forgiven me.

Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Keep 'em coming! They really boost my ego! lol

* * *

**Jesse's Past**

**_Chapter 4_**

She smiled at me. It was the prettiest smile I have ever seen. It got wiped of her face in a matter of seconds when we both heard it.

The sound of a barn door scraping.

I froze where I stood by the ladder. Not even a second later, Paul sat up, which proves that he wasn't asleep, but was listening in on our conversation. I have to say, given the gravity of the situation at hand, I still found this bothersome. I think that I just didn't like the Paul character. Susannah gave the impression that I don't enjoy his company in the future; why would I like it now?

We all waited in a tense silence, as if daring a single breath to escape our lips.

The deadly sound this time was the graze of a boot on a ladder rung.

Diego. It was Diego coming to kill me. Susannah had gone pale and Paul scooted closer to Susannah. Even though I figured her to be the girl that didn't need protecting (even though I felt the strong need to), I was glad there was a strong male there to stay with Susannah. I immediately lay on the ground, to let my fiancée's lover assume I'm sleeping.

I held up my hand, palm up, showing them I wanted the moving to cease and for them to leave the battle to me.

And that's when we all saw him. Diego's head then shoulders loomed about the loft floor. All he saw was my relaxed form. He didn't seem to notice Susannah and Paul. _Agradezca A Dios_.

All I could hear were his footsteps and judge distance by their sound. Five feet. Four feet. Now seems like a good time.

"_Es tan verdad_ (**So it IS true.**)," I said coolly. Diego didn't seem scared. He didn't even seem intimidated. Well, of course he wouldn't feel intimidated, I was lying down, for heaven's sake!

"_Usted sabe tan. Sí, es verdad. Estoy aquí matarle_ (**So you know. Yes, it's true. I'm here to kill you.**)," Diego snarled. I have come to hate this man.

"_¿Maria le envoi? _(**Maria sent you?**)." It was more of a statement, than a question, but he decided to answer anyway with a curt nod of his bare head and a laugh.

Then he lunged. I heard, in the back of the loft, a soft gasp. Susannah. Was she hurt? Or merely surprised at the attack?

I didn't roll away from Diego. I stood to meet him. If it really were to happen… that I was to die, even though Susannah has come to warn me, I want to die standing tall.

Diego tried a grab at me, but I ducked and seized his torso. We staggered dangerously over to the edge of the loft. I knew I was the under dog. Weight wise. Diego had at least thirty pounds on me, maybe more. But that was fat. It wasn't muscle. I was thankful for all the time my father made me do the barn work even when the help was not busy.

Diego threw me off of him. He flung the belt away from us and instead, produced a knife from his belt. The blade gleamed brightly in the soft light of the lantern, which was sitting only a few feet away from us.

"Jesse!" Susannah shrieked. "Knife!" No! Susannah must stay quiet! She could get hurt. Diego wouldn't mind killing an innocent bystander to get to me. He would think of it as a bonus prize.

"Who's there?" Diego asked in English. Susannah's distraction gave me just enough time to lean down and pull out the knife my father gave me for my fifteenth birthday. The same knife that I had used hours before to cut Susannah's ropes from her body.

Diego had forgotten about Susannah and Paul. He whirled to face me. We circled each other, like animals about to go in for the kill. Every time each of us took a step, it was just a few lethal inches closer.

Susannah came into view of the brightness from the lantern. She had wrenched herself from Paul's grasp, but Diego didn't seem to notice… or care.

"You want Jesse to die!" she yelped. "You want him to, don't you?"

I could only see Paul's face. Everything else was masked by the darkness. "Are you kidding? The whole reason I came back was to make sure he didn't." They need to be quiet or else someone is going to get killed. I was mostly worried about Susannah.

"Then why aren't you helping him?"

"I don't need—" I swung under Diego's blade as it came just a few hairs away from my throat. "—any help!"

"Who are those people?" Diego snapped at me. At the same time, he made another attempt at my arm.

"No one. Pay no attention to them. This is between you and me."

Paul and Susannah were still arguing about whether or not to jump in and 'save' me. Diego seemed caught up in trying to kill me and I him, when he reached out and grabbed her. He grabbed Susannah by the arm and held her neck in the cock of his elbow.

She was caught off guard. What little color was left in her cheeks, drained and her eyes were scared.

Diego's arm was taut against her throat, because she coughed. The silver blade was held at a deadly angle to her esophagus.

"Drop the knife," he ordered. "Or the girl dies."

_No! _cried a panicked voice in my head.

I dropped the knife without hesitation. I could feel the color empty from my face.

Paul screamed from behind, "Suze! Shift!"

Susannah seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. But before she was able to do anything, Diego threw her to the ground. Away from the fight. I vaguely heard a glass shatter and a light formed in the corner of my eye.

I wanted to go to her and take her in my arms and say it would be okay, but I had to stop Diego first, or else none of us would be safe. I saw the fire in the side of my vision. Susannah was caught behind the fire. No. I can't let that happen to her. She can't die.

"Paul!" I heard a shriek. "Help him! Help Jesse!" Didn't she know she had to get out of there? She would die! I had to end this.

I broke free of Diego's grip with strength I didn't know I had in me and twisted the arm that was previously holding the knife to Susannah's larynx. Diego let go of me with a shriek of pain. I pulled my arm back and punched him in the side of the head and he fell. He fell to the bottom of the ground. I heard bones break, and I knew… I knew Diego was dead. I had killed him. Guilt washed over me, but I had worse things to contemplate. Susannah.

She was still trapped behind the fire. The horses below whinnied and I could hear the O'Neils' shouts of orders.

"You did it!" Susannah cried. "You killed him!" She sounded so genuinely happy for the first time since I had met her.

"Suze." Paul looked at her. "Suze."

"He did it, Paul. He's going to live." To me, she said, "You're going to live!"

"Susannah," I warned. "Stay where you are."

That was when she realized it, I think. Her face turned to fear when she looked all around her. The smoke was so thick, I almost couldn't see her. I had to get her out.

"Suze," Paul whispered. Then he saw what I had done. "Jesse, no—" But it was too late. I had grabbed the horse blanket that Paul had been lying on and wrapped it around myself before I hurled myself into the wall of fire.

I ran through to Susannah, knocking her over. The blanket was smoldering. I had to get it away from her. I threw it to the side and then pulled her to her feet.

"Come on. We haven't much time!" She clung onto me.

"Suze!" Paul yelled through the blaze. We couldn't see him, the smoke was too thick.

"Get down!" I shouted at Paul. Maybe he was good for something. "Get down and help them with the horses!" Louisa was going to die. I tried not to think about that, and solely focused on Susannah getting out of this burning barn as quickly as possible.

"Suze," he yelled. "Shift! Do it now! It's your only chance!"

I turned away from Susannah and started kicking at the weakened planks of wood that made up the closest barn wall. The boards buckled under my boot.

Paul yelled something at Suze again. Something about meeting her on the other side, but it didn't seem to register.

My foot broke through the barrier and I took Susannah's hand in mine. Our faces were so close.

The cool night air licked at our faces, reminding us what it was light to breathe normally. The hole was small but Susannah put her face up to it to feel the breeze.

"Do you understand me, Susannah?" I was afraid that the smoke might have done damage to her brain. "We'll jump together, on the count of three." She was staring at my lips.

I reached over and grabbed her by the waist. We were so close, I could feel all her curves pressed against mine.

"One…" Her heart beat frantically, in tune with mine.

"Two…" The hot flames were thrashing at our feet.

"Three…" And I pulled her with me as we jumped. The cold air whooshed past our faces. Her hair whipped around as we flew. I looked at her. She didn't seem scared. She seemed very at peace. She clung to me tighter as if trying to say goodbye and she closed her eyes. I felt a tug around my middle and we hit land, but it wasn't the land next to the barn.

I was at a church.

* * *

There it is! Thanks to all who reviewed and next time I put a chapter up, I'm going to thank all of you who have submitted a review without being logged in or registered. Send a couple of reminders to me guys! 

Oh, and I need a beta. Kinda late in the story for that, yeah I know. But I was talking to L. D. James and she was telling me about them, so yeah, I need one. I always knew betas were there, but I never knew the definition! Thanks for explaining LD James!

Love,  
MG


	5. Chapter 5

**Mediatorgrrl's Note:**

**I am so sorry this took so long to update! I was gone for a week and I've been having some issues... and you don't care. Do you? lol Okay, I'll just skip the pleasentries and let you read my new chapter. Again, sorry I took so long to update and I really hate it when authors say that cause I hate it when they update all the time and then, when it gets closer to the end or even in the middle, they just leave ya hangin'. Read the notes at the bottom.**

**Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to my beautiful betas: Sara (saranicole) and Livvy-Daaaaarling (MoonShine Fairy). Thanks for putting up with my rambling and bumbbling emails! Also, thanks for pointing stuff out that I didn't even notice! mumbles aboutclairvoyant ghosts**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews, I hope I emailed everyone back through Fanfic. Oh, and guys: I can't send out emails using my personal one. I mean, I have my own account separate from my parent's and all, but I'm not allowed to use direct emailing on here! SO SORRY! lol**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Need I say more?**

**Now, without further ado, I present to you...**

* * *

**Jesse's Past**

**Chapter 5**

Paul isn't at the Basilica. I looked at the clock, hanging in one of the classrooms. The room is one that I know Susannah uses. She sits in this room and learns of history. My past. My life.

I figured that Susannah assumed wrong about Paul. Maybe he merely came here to eliminate a ghost. A ghost that, hopefully, isn't me.

Susannah shouldn't love me. She shouldn't even have our friendship. We both know that we would crumble without the other. We are attached. As the good father warned us not to, we have become inseparable.

I settled down on a bench. I should probably get back to Susannah. She must be worried about me. I have been here for over an hour searching for the sinful Slater. But instead of going back to my _querida_, I sat a moment, thinking.

She was a beautiful girl. Inside and out. Which was what made her perfect.

I don't much like this Adam fellow. He seems to—what is the word Susannah once accused me of? Oh, yes—stalk her.

Nevertheless, she thinks of him as a friend.

Well, I guess I could like him a bit more. He does seem quite infatuated with another of Susannah's friends. Cee Cee is her name?

She doesn't see that every man falls at her feet.

That boy that she saved… Bryce was his name. He would have licked her shoes, had she asked him right after she saved him. The imbecile couldn't even get her name right.

Then there was Tad. He was far too forward. He used her virtue. I could have killed him for what he did. No one in my former time would have treated a girl like that. At least not one that was a respectable gentleman.

I thought back to Michael. I hated myself for what I did. I forced her to go with him. Then she was almost killed because of him. I won't forget that Susannah herself triggered some of her bruises because of inviting the RLS Angels to have at Michael. He was the only one who I actually felt comfortable with, surprisingly. He seemed to be the only one with whom Susannah would not be romantically interested in. Not that I really thought her and Tad would go far as a couple.

That day in the hospital… when I touched her cheek. It had taken up to that moment for me to realize that I love her. I knew I was falling for her by the time she had fully exorcized Heather. But when I touched her cheek and my fingers had electricity vibrating through them, I knew that I would do anything to make her love me. I realized how selfish I was seconds after grasping this.

Paul Slater. He was by far the worst. Slater used her, tricked Susannah, almost killed both Susannah and me…. And she seems to trust him again. Well, she seemed to a while ago. Susannah didn't seem too keen on him when I brought him up while watching the movie.

I hoped that I wasn't like one of these boys. Taking advantage of her like they all had. I don't want to hurt her and lose her like they all did.

I don't want to lose her.

I can't lose her.

I stood and hit my fist against a locker. It went right through. I could only touch objects if I made myself. I could pick things up and give to Susannah only because I made myself. To Susannah, I am flesh and blood. I could try and think myself vapor and Susannah couldn't put a hand through me, only on me.

Something materialized out of the corner of my eye. I didn't think much of it until it called my name.

"Jesse!" a man's voice sounded, breaking across the night's cold chill.

I turned around to find Susannah's father running up to me.

"Jesse! You have to go to Susannah," he gasped, leaning a hand on my shoulder and his other on his knee to catch his invisible breath. "Suze… she's at the hospital."

My whole body went numb. "Hospital? Mr. Simon, what are you talking about? Is Susannah okay?" My head started throbbing and my ears heard rushing noises coming from my own imagination.

"She needs you. She was calling me, but she needs you, Jesse," he said calmly, his breath regained.

How can he be so calm? Susannah is in a hospital! My querida is hurt! Possibly dying, and he is calm?

"Sir, where is Susannah? Which hospital? I must find her!" I nearly shouted.

"She's in Carmel County Hospital. She is okay, Jesse. Calm down."

I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to yell at him for telling me to quiet down when my _querida_ was in the hospital. I wanted to spew curses from my mouth at him! I know he is Susannah's father, but how dare he have no concern for her?

I let out a string of Spanish curses. Ones that I don't even say in front of Susannah, even though she doesn't know what they mean.

"I cannot calm down, Mr. Simon," I thundered.

"Jesse! Go to Susannah. Please. She needs you. She called for me, but that is because she doesn't know you are here."

I looked at his eyes. His voice may be calm, but his eyes betrayed him. "Please Jesse. My daughter needs you. More than she has ever needed me."

I knew how hard it was for him to say that. My anger lessened, but not completely. It was replaced with compassion.

This man lost his life when Susannah was six years old. He lost his life and family. He had to see the love of his life fall in love with someone else and get married. Edward Simon was losing his little girl to a boy she was in love with just like a normal dad. But he knew what had to happen. He knew life was short and youth even shorter.

"Thank you, sir. I'm going." I started to shimmer and just as I fully disappeared, I saw the moisture in his wise green eyes.

¤§¤

I shimmered into the Carmel-by-the-Sea hospital. I looked around me, observing all the ill patients awaiting help.

There was a map on the right side of the room. I went to try and find where Susannah might be on the map (most likely the ER, which is what scared me the most.). But before I got there, a familiar form stepped out from a room.

"Slater!" I said, stunned. "Where is Susannah? What have you done? What did you do to her?"

Paul looked at me as though he had seen a ghost. At least, as though he were not accustomed to seeing them.

"Rico…." His voice trailed off as he stared at me in astonishment.

"I don't have time for your games, you useless bag of filth! Where is Susannah? Is she hurt? You tell me where she is or _juro a ti_ **(I swear to you)** that I will kill you with no remorse. I won't care if my soul is damned to Hell," I roared.

If he would give me a straightforward answer, one with no cryptic message, I would let him be. He was going to tell me where Susannah was or I swear I would kill him. I really would. If he hurt one hair on Susannah's head, he was a dead man.

"Come on. I'll show you," he whispered, so that no one in the waiting room could tell that he was speaking to thin air.

I turned and started to walk to a metal box with a sliding door. I read about these when they were invented. Elevators. And I had also heard Susannah reference this to Cee Cee. Susannah had told her friend that she 'got freaked' by being in such a small place. I had read that they were safe, but Susannah had always said that she was worried that she would become stuck in one and hyperventilate

I approached it cautiously. "Slater, is this safe?"

He looked at me like I was just let out from an asylum.

"Of course it is. It's an elevator."

"Susannah does not like these," I stated.

"Do you want me to help you find her, or not?"

"I want you to help me," I grumbled.

That was when we saw Father Dominic coming down the hall of the frightening hospital.

I ran to him, "Father! Where is Susannah? Is she hurt?"

Father Dominic looked at me in a way that I can only describe as pityingly. "Father, is she…" I couldn't finish my sentence. She couldn't be… _not_ alive. I couldn't even think it.

"Susannah is alive, Jesse," Father said soothingly. "But…"

He didn't finish.

"But what, Father?" I pressed.

"I think Susannah should tell you. Come. I'll take you there." He turned to Slater. "Mr. Slater, did I not tell you to visit your grandfather? Haven't we all learned that life is short?"

"I went to see him. He was there—"

I interrupted their quarrel. "Please, Father Dominic. Please take me to my _qu_—to Susannah." I caught myself just in time. I did not want Father Dominic to know that I refer to Susannah as my _desired one_.

"Yes," he relented, sounding foreboding.

He lead my up the elevator and in front of a big wooden door with a single glass pane in the middle.

"Susannah is inside," he instructed.

"Father…" I whispered. "Is she…awake?"

"She is awake, Jesse. It isn't her you need to be thinking about at the moment. Jesse, before you go in there… is there anything you wish for me to do? For me to say to someone? Just in the event that you might someday not be able to tell them?"

Father looked at me forlornly.

"Tell Susannah that I love her with my whole heart. But that if I am to move on, so is she." I took a breath, as to not let the tears fall. "Tell her that I want her to marry someone she loves." I let out a shuddering breath. "Tell her… she will always be my _querida_. I will be watching over her—keeping her safe." If something were to happen, I would rather have Father Dominic know that I call her my _sweetheart_ then for her to be left unconvinced of my love.

Father Dominic looked at me with tears in his blue eyes. Everyone seems to know something that I do not. Everyone seems to pity me and cry for me. I don't need to be cried for. I need to be let in on what everyone else seems to know.

"I promise I will, Jesse." He pulled me into a hug. He before had never hugged me. It felt soothing, yet awkward. I had known this man for almost a year, but I always felt like he never really liked me. Or the fact that I was with Susannah.

He released me and I turned toward the door and walked through the closed entranceway.

On the bed was a figure to large to belong to Susannah's five-foot six-inch slim frame. But the hunched girl next to the bed with chestnut brown hair flowing on her back and framing her face was the perfect size. Her shoulders shook violently, but no sound escaped her lips.

"Susannah." I said her name barely audibly.

She didn't hear me. Or she was ignoring me. She continued to sob silently next to the bed.

"Susannah," I said, this time in a normal voice.

I looked on the bed. And I faltered.

_I_ was on the bed. Only it was _really_ me. The _flesh-and-blood-and-breathing_ me.

This wasn't the _soul_ of my body. This _was_ my body.

I repeated her name for a third time.

She still didn't answer. I walked quietly over to her, while still peering down at the lifeless body.

Only when I laid a hand on her quivering shoulder did she turn her head to snap, "Go away," as vehemently as she could muster, which wasn't much. It came out as more of a plea mixed with a sob. She sounded tired and worn out. What is wrong? What happened to my normally vibrant _querida_? "Can't you see I'm—"

She took a moment out of her despondent dialogue to look at me standing next to her frail form.

Susannah sprang from the chair so quickly that it toppled over backwards behind her. Her tears suddenly dried and her breathing was irregular.

She stood, staring.

* * *

**Sara said that would leave you all with a cliffy! lol So blame her. Not me. lol Just kidding. **

**Here are the replys I couldn't make:**

**SECOND CHAPTER:**

**Hotapps:** Thanks so much for you kind review! People on here really know how to boost a girl's ego! lol

**Tuna Fish:** I think I liked your review the most from the second chapter reveiws! lol I usually try to have stuff updated within a week of the former stuff, but this time it didn't quite work! lol Thanks so much!

**THIRD CHAPTER:**

**Floating Bubbles:** Thanks so much! I love getting positive reviews! You are so nice!

**szabatka2:** I really loved your review! It made me feel happy! lol Your review made me smile the most on this chapter! Thanks for the love! lol

**FOURTH CHAPTER:**

**Ari:** Hey! OMG! You don't know how thankful I would be for your translations! Is there a way you can set up an account and send them to me? I can't use my regular email cause of my parent's rules. SO SORRY! But I really do want those translations. Sara helped me on this chapter's one translation! lol But it would be so cool for someone who's first language is Spanish to help me!

**MadameDazzle:** ! THANKS ! I really liked your review! Thanks so much! lol I'm soooo trying to jump on it, but it keeps getting away from me! lol

**Jesse's country Querida: **Thanks! I love getting reviews like yours! lol

**szabatka2:** What sport do you play? OMG! You haven't read Twilight yet? YOU MUST READ IT! lol It's a great book. I can't believe you are reading this and haven't read Twilight! THE BIG SPOILER IS COMING! DON'T READ THIS! Well, if you got down to this, I guess it's too late? lol Love ya! lol

* * *

**I hope to post another chapter soon! **

**Love,**

**MG**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey my beautiful reviewers and readers!**

**Sooooooooooo (X's infinity!) sorry it took me so long to update!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own this. Don't own a single character. Wait... I own the doctor and the nurses. Wait, those don't show up yet... So, right now I don't own anything. Except for the three peanut butter cookies that I ate about three hours ago. lol**

**This chapter is dedicated to Saranicole because her 3 year anniversary was on July 12th and I didn't have this chapter posted, so this is going to her!**

**Love, **

**MG**

**PS: I just reloaded this chapter up again as of 3:39 PM of August 1st because I was rereading it on Microsoft word and I found a couple really bad spelling mistakes cause I was typing too fast and I redid that small part. Sorry! lol**

* * *

**Jesse's Past**

**Chapter 6**

**By: Mediatorgrrl**

I paid her no attention. It wasn't in a mean way; I was just too stunned. I was gazing down at…at myself.

She looked from me to… me. Only on the bed.

"J-Jesse?" she asked. She sounded so scared. I wanted to look at her. I really did. But I couldn't. My eyes were drawn to the immobile figure on the bed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her wipe her tears with her sleeve.

"Susannah," I whispered. "What… what did you do?"

She seemed delirious with happiness. She came to me and took my hand. Both her hands fit in one of mine.

"Jesse, I went. Back through time, I mean," she explained. My heart leapt.

No. She didn't. She wouldn't. She knows how much I worry about her! She could have gotten hurt. Or died! I told her not to go!

I tore my gaze away from my living form and settled my eyes on her. "You _went_?" I glared at her. "You went after Slater? After I told you I could take care of myself?"

She smiled. She even let out a small laugh. "You did take care of yourself!" she assured me. "I-I told you—the past you—about Diego, and he didn't kill you, Jesse. You killed him. But then…then… there was a fire." She swallowed hard. She looked solemn now. She looked sad. "In the barn. The O'Neils' barn…" She trailed off.

_The O'Neils_… I thought hard.

"The O'Neils," I murmured. "I remember them." Susannah had seemed to be in a daze since the moment I walked in and it had rubbed off on me.

"Yes," she said. "There was a fire, and Jesse… Jesse, you saved me. Or, at least, you tried to. But… but…."

I dropped Susannah's hand and moved to the other side of the bed. The figure on the bed was barely breathing. _I_ seemed more alive than this man laying here.

My body was merely the shell of me. This wasn't the real me. This me didn't know Susannah. This me didn't _love_ her.

But… "I don't understand," I confessed. "How did this happen?"

She bit her lip. Susannah had come out of her daze. I had yet to. She seemed about to say something else but resigned and blurted, "I did it. I didn't mean to. I meant to save you, Jesse, not… not this." But I didn't _want_ to be saved! I wanted to stay here with Susannah. With my _querida_. "But I was still touching you when I shifted back to the future, and you… you just got caught."

Then I looked at her. Really looked at her. Before the words were coming out of her mouth and I comprehended them, but they didn't sink in. I was out of my daze, like her.

"You really went back? To the past? _My_ past?"

She nodded, seemingly unable to find words. But she didn't need words to convey her message.

I shook my head. "And Paul? I went to the basilica to look for him, but he was gone. You followed him?"

She nodded again.

This time she found the words. Words that I wished weren't true. Because these words meant that I had to leave. I had to leave her.

"I wanted to stop him," she said. "From… from keeping you from dying. But in the end… I couldn't, Jesse. It wasn't right. What Diego did to you. I couldn't let it happen again. So I told you. And you killed him. You killed Diego. But then there was a fire and…." She looked down at my pitiful figure on the bed. She was unable to stifle a sob. "And now I think this is good-bye. I'm sorry, Jesse. I'm so, so sorry."

She couldn't go on. Tears clouded her eyes and fell quickly down her cheeks.

She stared down at the bed, unable to look at me. I didn't blame her. I didn't blame her one bit. Had the situation been reversed, the moment I had seen her alive, I would have changed my mind.

I wanted to die to love her, not live without her.

She stared savagely down at my form. I felt her anger radiating off her. She was mad at her gift.

I reached over the bed and cupped her face in my hand. She looked up at me. Her tears spilled onto my hand. They were warm. I wiped my thumb under her eye, drying as many of the tears as I could.

I didn't want to leave.

An overpowering feeling of dread settled in my stomach. I couldn't leave her. I couldn't. I don't want to go. I don't want to….

_Please God! _I prayed silently. _Please let me stay with her! Please! You made me stay here for one hundred and fifty years not needing to breathe or sleep… But you made me feel. You made me feel love for Susannah._

A love I had never felt before in my life.

A love stronger than I felt for my parents.

A love and protectiveness more powerful than for my sisters.

This love was so pure. I wanted to hold her and never let her go. But at the same time… I knew I had to go. I knew to let go of her or she will never marry someone who deserves her.

With this love, I wanted her to be happy even at the cost of my own life and pleasure.

"_Querida_," I murmured. Fresh tears sprung to her eyes at my term of endearment. They were quicker and even more heartbreaking than the ones before them.

I placed one hand on the bed as I leaned across it to kiss her.

One last kiss before I was ripped from her forever. And her taken from me. A single tear of my own escaped my eyes, and fell onto her hand, laid on the bed.

She closed her eyes and I did the same. I wanted to feel her warm lips pressed against mine one last time.

_Good-bye, Querida_… _I love you, Susannah_….

I barely grazed her lips with mine before I gasped. I had accidentally touched my living body's leg. I jerked away from her.

I felt a jolt of electricity stream through my veins. I flared more brightly than before. And I stared at Susannah.

_I love you!_ I wanted to scream. _I love you so much, _querida_! I'll never stop. _I wanted her to know this. I wanted her to see in my eyes that I love her.

I was sucked down and just as I was leaving I saw Susannah reach out a try and grab hold of some small fraction of me. I wanted to do the same to her. Just one last touch on her hand or cheek before I go.

I was trapped inside the body that I left so long ago.

Everything was different. I could feel myself forgetting Susannah.

No! Don't let me forget her! Don't let me forget the one thing that was right in my afterlife…. Susannah!

My soul wanted to know her, but my body refused. My brain did not remember, but my soul did….

Susannah… the girl who came to me in the barn…. No… she's more than that.

She's… she told me Diego was going to kill me.

What else? Wasn't there something else she did? I know her… I think. Don't I know her? I feel like I should. I feel like I should know more than what I do. All I can remember is her coming to me in the barn. There was nothing else.

Susannah was merely a girl in ripped pants and a leather coat.

A picture appeared before me. I was sitting in a room. Pink blurred around the edges of my vision. A girl and her mother walked in through a door to the right. They were speaking to each other. The voices weren't earthly, though. It sound like it was coming from all around me. The mother turned to leave. Once the door was shut, the girl turned to me.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked. Shock wafted through my body, but I don't know why. This girl… so familiar… Susannah?

My pondering time was cut short by the image. It left as soon as it came in and was replaced by another illustration.

I was in the back of a kind of car. It was very small. As before, the edges of the picture were blurred but the two people in front of me where in clear focus. I recognized one. The girl. It was Susannah. I didn't recognize the man. He was kissing Susannah. He was _more_ than kissing Susannah. He was disrespecting her far too much! And she was _letting_ him.

_That was when she almost got killed by those imbeciles who worked for Tad's uncle_, I thought to myself. What imbeciles? Who's this Tad person? What am I thinking? I don't remember any of this.

_But you do… you _do_ remember_, said another, stronger, voice in my head.

Anger wound its way through my veins. How dare he touch her? Susannah caught a glimpse of me and wrenched herself away from the boy kissing her. She let out a small scream and the view became different once again.

A spectacle of Susannah came into sight. "Seeing _you_ won't upset me," she said. Again, the voice was different. It was echoing.

Everything swirled around then became still, once more. I was still in the same room, only a couple minutes later.

Something soft was against the back of my fingers. Her cheek. I was caressing her cheek with my fingers. It was a wonderful sensation… I took a moment to take in the surrounding area of her. She was hooked up to machines everywhere. A hospital. Susannah was in a hospital. A jolt of horror overtook me. Only, this was not a feeling from the vision. This was my own feeling of terror. The shock I felt when Susannah asked who I was… that was what the _me_ in that time felt… it wasn't my real emotion at the time. The fright that was sent through my body was real.

I was sucked out of the hospital scene and I felt something heavy in my arms. Susannah. I was holding Susannah in my arms and she was letting me. I was being far too forward… surely I was… wasn't I? But… she was crying…? She was crying? _Susannah never cries_ said that voice in the back of my mind. _You know she never cries_.

_No!_ I wanted to shout. _No! I don't know that she never cries!_ _I don't know _her

The images… I don't know what they are! I don't know where they are coming from!

"Susannah," said the ghost of my soul. "I promise you, Susannah, that I am not going anywhere—"

I was about to say more, but I was ripped from the scene and I focused on another. Susannah and I were in her room. She stood in the middle of it. I walked up to her, told her something about not having to talk and reached up, cupped her face with both my hands and kissed her. The feeling in my stomach was the emotion the ghost of me had, but also, I realized, had something to do with how I was feeling now… seeing this all take place. Kissing Susannah made me feel far more alive than I had ever felt.

I reluctantly let the vision pull me away and set me in another. Susannah was lying on her bed, feet propped up and bandages up to her ankles. I stood near her full-sized bed, but what separated us was a large bouquet of red roses.

I could feel the fury and contempt and jealousy well up inside me. I don't understand why. What was I jealous of?

But there was another emotion floating just about the surface.

More apparent than the contempt.

More ailing than the jealousy.

More draining than the fury.

Hurt. I was hurt from the roses sitting on her daybed.

A girls' voice cut in through my thoughts. "I can explain." Susannah. Her soft, forbidding voice was echoing just as before.

The colors swirled before me and again, I was holding Susannah. Only this time she was happy. I could feel it. We were sitting on the bed in the pink room. A box sat in front of us and had pictures moving on it.

_It's a TV_ said the voice again. _Susannah told you that remember? You were here when they were invented. _

Here when they were invented? No I wasn't. I wasn't here when these boxes where created. I was… I was… I don't know where I was… but I wasn't here.

"I love you, Jesse." That was Susannah. Her voice was different this time. It was echoing just as before, but she sounded so confident. How she looked like she should sound.

Everything flooded back to me. That night with Maria trying to kill my _querida_; Shadowland; bandaging Susannah's feet; seeing Susannah for the first time; Susannah telling me not to go to the school at night because she didn't want me being exorcised….

Everything was back.

And then everything faded into darkness.

**

* * *

****PS: this chapter was unbetad, so sorry!**

**So, I never knew what love was until I came to fanfiction. And I have to tell you: that little bluish purplish button has stolen my heart. Sooooo... to make it give my heart back, you must press the button that says, "Submit Review" and say all kinds of nice things about this story and then, before you hit, "Done", you must hit, "Add To favorite..." and "Add to "..." Alert!" **

**I don't know HOW this makes the button give me my heart back, but trust me, my heart will be beating firmly in my chest if I get at least ten reviews for this chapter. Hopeful, I know, but hey, what the heck.**

**Love you all very much!**

**MG**


	7. Chapter 7

**'Ello!**

**Sorry all, for not updating. Stuff has been hecktic and the typical writer's block. Yeah, fun fun stuff! lol**

**So, I hope everybody's doing well. Sorry for the long time in between updates... I'm up to chapter 8! I'm not sure if I like it yet, though!**

**Okay, this is for all the heartbroken out there. Seriously. It hurts like heck. The Wrecker's _Leave the Pieces_ is even playing on my radio right now.**

**Okay, so here it is! I hope you like it. It's really short. Only 2 pages. But it gets the point across. But it's going back and forth in the beging and I'm not sure if I like it. But it's here and I felt pretty bad leaving you guys hanging for like, what, two months? I'm sooo sorry!**

**Love,  
MG**

**PS. This is NOT the last chapter. I'm gonna do at least up till the dance and possibly longer...? wink wink hint hint**

**PPS. **Disclaimer**-I don't own the Mediator, Jesse, Susannah, or Susannah's hair which I envy. But I really envy her because she gets Jesse... beautiful Jesse... okay I just got drool on the keyboard, now I know I have problems!**

* * *

Choked sobs were coming from a little above me while two small hands held mine, trembling. They were so warm. But then again, I was cold; I was almost shuddering. Pulsing beeps came from all around me. The beeps were slow and hardly there.

Susannah. Susannah was crying. I hate to hear her cry. Especially over me. But this time I couldn't take her in my arms. I couldn't tell her it would be all right.

Because it would be. I would love to tell her everything would be okay. That I'm okay. I wasn't dead. I was alive. But… I couldn't move. I couldn't wake.

Was I in a coma?

I couldn't feel anything around me. The only thing I felt were the two small hands enclosed around mine. The bed that I knew was below me felt like air. I wasn't even sure if I had a blanket seeing as I couldn't feel. I wasn't breathing, I don't think. I don't need to; do I? _Not again_, I wanted to groan. _Not again. I want to breathe. I want to be alive._

A new voice came into the room. It was distinctly a male. He said something about me and getting the tests I need.

_But I don't need tests. I'm dying._ I think, anyway. It was all very confusing. I wasn't awake, and I couldn't wake. _This is nothing like dying the first time._ Last time it hurt. Last time everything closed in on me and filled my body with knives and the pain. _Nombre de Dios_, the pain was unbearable.

The only pain I felt was that of Susannah leaving. I would never see her again. Jolts of panic shot through my body. The pain of never seeing Susannah anymore hurt me more than the suffocating Diego did. Leaving Susannah hurt more than anything I had ever experienced.

"It doesn't matter," I heard Susannah's bleak voice murmur.

"Don't give up hope, Susannah," the man said. I finally recognized his voice. Father Dominic. "Never give up hope."

Susannah let out an acidic laugh. "And why is that, Father D.?"

_Because!_ I wanted to shout. _Because I'm here, Susannah! I'm alive! Let me hold you. Let me tell you it will be okay. _We'll_ be okay. I'm alive for now. Celebrate what little time we have left!_

_Go back to her,_ said a soft, gentle voice in my head.

_I'm trying_, I yelled. But no one heard it besides me. _I want to go back to her!_

_Try harder._

"Because it's all we have, you know. You did what you did because you loved him, Susannah. You loved him enough to let him go. There's no greater gift you could have given him."

I tried harder. I used every bit of strength I had in me to come to her. To stay with her.

_Try harder!_ thundered the voice again. Only this time, it was louder and more commanding.

_I'm trying harder!_ I yelled back again. But when I shouted this time, my voice sounded weaker.

"That's not how it's supposed to go, Father Dominic."

"What's not, Susannah?" Father Dominic's gentle voice asked.

"The saying."

It's time…murmured the voice. 

I tear fell onto my hand. I felt that. I felt her tear. The blanket underneath me was scratchy and uncomfortable. Suddenly, the frozen cold that surrounded me lifted and I was warm again. There was something wrapped around my head and something over my mouth, forcing air into my lungs. "It's supposed to be, If you love something, set it free. If it was meant to be, it will come back to you. Don't you know? Haven't you read it?"

There was silence until, "Susannah," said Father Dominic's strangled voice cut through. "Look."

I tightened my hold on Susannah's fingers in my hand. They were still shaking. I found mine were too.

I tried to inhale a large, gulping breath of air, but the mask on my face only allowed so much.

I could feel a pulse beating in my neck. _Dios_, I had forgotten how that felt. My heart rate drummed in my chest. Its pace quickened when I opened my eyes and they fell upon chestnut hair, mangled from staying up for twenty-four hours and slightly matted to her cheeks from salty tears cascading down from her eyes, but still the most exquisite sight I had ever laid my eyes on. Those brilliant green eyes. How beautiful she was.

I reached up, with the hand that wasn't being clasped by my querida, and pulled the mask, that had been helping me stay semi-alive, off my mouth and nose.

One word calculated the events that have happened to us and the love I felt for her. "_Querida_," I breathed.

* * *

**YEAH! So there it is. Review please!**

**I love you all!  
Oh, and I want to promote the book Twilight and New Moon by Stephanie Meyer because she is now one of my new favorite authors!**


	8. Chapter 8

**H**ello, my lovely readers and reviews! If I still have any left after that DREADFULLY long pause between my chapters!

**S**o sorry, I haven't updated because of school (freshman year of HS), and because of just plain lazyness! I'm SOO sorry! REALLY! I HATE it when writers put off writing because they 'just don't feel like it'. So I don't want to be one of those writers, but sadly, I was. So, thanks to Saranicole, my gorgeous beta, I now have chapter eight of Jesse's Past up! So, I HOPE you enjoy this and it fufills what you guys want! I really hope you like this because... well, because I don't want to be a bad writer and have people dissapointed! lol

**D**isclaimer: Sadly, I don't own any life form, limb, tooth, hair, nail, article of clothing, piece of skin, or those beautiful, gorgeous lips of Jesse's... I'll have to ask Meg if I could possibly borrow him for a date sometime... Oh, and I also don't own any part of any other of Meg's characters mentioned in here. I DO own Dr. Brown. (TeeHee! Sorry, VERY inside joke with my friend about him! I honeslty don't hate him, hun!) And YES he's based on a real person.

**D**edication: To my Intro to Publications teacher who is holding my fate in her hands at this moment... PLEASE! I WANT TO BE ON YEARBOOK! RIP MY HEART OUT NOW OR MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE, BUT DON'T MAKE ME WAIT ANY LONGER!!

**I**ntroduction: So without further ado, I present to all the fanfiction views, the latest installment of:

**Jesse's Past**

**Chapter 8**

She placed a hand over her mouth. I sat up properly and a nurse came bustling through the door.

"Miss Simon? Father? The doctor is here. He is going to perform some tests. Most likely simple CAT scans—" She cut short when she looked up from her clip board and saw me sitting up. "Oh, my! Mr. de Silva, I—uh, one moment please! I am going to get the doctor!" She scuttled out of the room, leaving Susannah, the priest, and me.

"_Querida_?" I asked. She moved her other hand up so that both hands were covering her mouth. Fresh tears sprang into her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away. I noticed goose bumps springing up on her arms.

She reached out and cupped my cheek and jaw in her petite hand. She brushed her thumb under my eye, over my cheek, and then on the curve of my upper lip. Her thumb left a trail of her tears mixed with my own.

"Jesse…?" she murmured.

"It's me." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I thought you were gone. I thought…" she trailed off.

"Shhhh…" I comforted. "I'm here now. Don't say it." I looked up at Father Dominic. His glasses were fogged up and he was beaming.

I thought briefly of his life and why he became a priest. He'd lost his _querida_. Although, I'm sure he didn't call her that.

But no one's smile could compare to Susannah's. She seemed happier than all the time I'd known her, yet she was crying silent tears.

"Jesse, do you remember everything?" the good Father asked. I breathed in Susannah's distinctive scent, lilac and sweet. Warm and welcoming, mixed with innocence and tempting. She enveloped me in a hug—with all the strength she had left after our grueling journey.

"Yeah… I mean, yes, sir," I murmured, as to not shake my Susannah more than necessary. She was strong, but at the moment she was tired and emotionally drained. "Everything. Except… how did I get here? I mean, I know how, but not why… if that makes sense. It's too incredible to be real. I can't believe how blessed I am." I know I sounded so practical, but it was all I could do to keep the tears of joy from overflowing.

Susannah seemed unable to talk at the moment. She had tears in her eyes and looked at Father Dominic.

"Apparently if you are touching someone or something as you are 'shifting' back, you automatically bring that person or object with you—"

Susannah found her voice quickly at this point, picking up where he left off. "When we jumped I was holding onto you because you tried to save me. Even though you were alive and able to die, you still tried to save me; Paul was wrong about that! All I had to do was picture the house and I was back…." She trailed off and put her head in her hands. I pulled her close to me.

"Two identical souls cannot exist in the same dimension. When Susannah shifted back, your body came, but the soul inside it couldn't, because you were already here. When you touched your soulless body, you were drawn in. The soul that was in your body is still stuck in 1850, as far as I can tell. He will have to live the next century and a half, unaware that he will meet a young girl with bright green eyes and a strong sense of justice, who will develop a keen love for you."

I grinned wider, if possible. He'd always had a way with words.

Then something hit me... What if she'd not saved me because she'd loved me, but because she wanted to be free of me? What if she wanted to be with Paul? I shuddered at the thought, though I knew I'd do whatever made her happy, even if it caused me pain.

"And Paul?" I was forming an insulting remark in my mind, but decided against using it. "I saw him when I was coming in, but I haven't seen him since." I _truly_ disliked him. I didn't want him anywhere near Susannah, but I wanted to keep track of where he was, nonetheless.

"He's visiting his grandfather. I told him out of all we learned tonight, making amends with our loved ones is of the highest regards."

We were all silent as the reality of it all sunk in and I held Susannah in my arms, realizing that—for the first time in over a century and a half—I could smell, see, hear, and feel clearly. Susannah's sent hit me like a baseball bat, the perfume of her skin, smelling of lilac under the smoke of the fire. I could see every strand of chestnut hair protruding from her head. Before, it was like I was in a haze; I had forgotten how pure and clear, so defined and vivid everything could be! I could feel every curve of her face, especially where her cheek and chin and nose rested against my neck. I could feel the vibrations of her voice where her was torso pressed to mine. The soft, song-like expression in her tone was more alive and more palpable than ever before.

Father Dominic stood there for a moment, just watching us. She was breathing me in and feeling my face—memorizing features that were unnoticeable in my ghostly state. I was stroking Susannah's hair softly and alternating between kissing the top of her head and murmuring Spanish phrases of love to her, though she couldn't understand me.

Susannah turned her head to look at the priest when he started speaking again. "The nurse should be coming in soon and I just spoke with your parents, Susannah. They are extremely worried and they'll expect a full report on what has happened." At seeing Susannah's horror-struck face, he added, "A story of which, I have had much time to think about and I believe I have a plausible tale. I'll give you a few moments alone to recollect… I'm sure you have a lot to discuss." He backed out of the room, the door closing delicately behind him.

"You smell." Her voice was frail and on the verge of breaking.

"Well, I don't doubt that… we didn't exactly have deodorant back—"

"No, it's not that. You smell wonderful. It's just that… you _have_ a smell. And heat, and breath," she whispered, touching my lower lip with her fingers, feeling my breath glide over the tips. She pressed her palm to my chest. "I can hear your heartbeat. And back in that barn… I could feel your weight in the barn. It was the best feeling in the world… besides this right now."

I realized then that this was the most emotion that she had ever shown... to anybody. All her life she'd had a shield from everyone—even from her mother—what a gifted person that she truly was. No one was able to understand her—why she was always getting into trouble or had to be picked up at random places in the middle of the night. So she never told anybody. She never told her anyone why she was sad or scared. She'd always pretended that she just plain _wasn't_.

Even Father Dominic couldn't really understand her, as much as he tried. She was a teenage girl and he was a priest. I certainly wasn't a teenage girl, but I had sisters. Sisters I had been very close to. _I_ understood her. And I was unbelievably grateful for that fact.

I smiled a watery smile and finally let my tears fall. She was showing so much more emotion than she ever granted anybody, and it was the least I could do to show her how undeniably happy I was. "_Nombre de Dios_, I love you." I buried my face in her neck, and breathed her in, lilac, burnt wood, everything. I held onto her tightly, forcing myself to let go of everything that had happened tonight.

I'd killed a man in that barn. Granted, it was self-defense, but it was still someone who'd woken up that morning, expecting to wake up, just the same the next day. But he was also a killer. I let go of my family, who, yes, must deal with my supposed death, but I would mourn as well. Their world is no longer my world. I would let the soul Susannah left behind deal with all this grief and heartache—I had already been through it once, and he would survive it as well.

"Do you know how incredibly happy I am right now?" she asked earnestly, pulling away to look at me. "No, not happy, but… joyful. I feel like everything will be okay now… nothing is going to stop us from being together. Not Paul, Father D., God, all the forces of the universe combined." She let out a feeble laugh.

"I can take you places," I said, pulling her to my chest, loving the way her skin felt next to mine. "I can buy you things. We can—" I cut off, afraid to scare her.

"We can…? We can what?"

"We can be married," I murmured into her ruffled hair.

I could hear the smile in her voice when she spoke. "Yes," she squeezed me possessively. "We can. We can do anything we want now."

I sat up, jostling the needle in my arm, and causing me to wince. It was a chain reaction. Susannah quickly inquired what was wrong.

"Nothing, I'm fine, except…" I trailed off, looking at her face, memorizing how the light of the fluorescent bulbs caused her green eyes to have stars in them, memorizing how the little freckle on her cheek had the small spot of brown against her pale skin, and how her breathing was deep, as though having to control it deliberately.

"Except what?" she breathed.

"…I haven't kissed you yet," I whispered, leaning down brush my lips lightly against hers, just to feel the texture. Even her lips felt different. They were soft before, but now I could feel every line and the curve where her lips ended. I could taste the coffee she'd had from the cafeteria in the hospital.

I opened my eyes, searching for her reaction—desperately wanting to know if this was how it was always like for her before.

"Jesse," she murmured. "You're here…. It's not cold… I can _feel_ you. I can feel everything… it's not like you're just there anymore… you're really taking up _space_ and breathing in air and I can feel your body heat!"

I kissed her with more force—pulling her in so close I could feel every curve and movement of her body against mine. I could feel the goose bumps rising on her arms, as my hand brushed over them. I touched her face, committing to memory the texture of her skin, the way her eyebrows felt, even the curve of her ear. I caressed the thick, supple, velvety mane of chestnut colored hair that was cascading down from her shoulders to her back. And when her tresses ended, I pressed my hand into the small of her back, bringing her as near to me as possible.

I broke first, not wanting to, but needing the air that came with all the other human frailties. But I wouldn't trade being alive again for anything.

I was scared to go too far. I knew I was in the twenty-first century, but I still had the values of the nineteenth century gentleman I was brought up to be.

Susannah looked at me for a moment and touched my cheek.

"Oh, Jesse… you're really here," she said, her voice breaking. She bit her lip to keep it from quivering.

"It's okay to cry," I told her, my own voice breaking in a thousands different places. A soft sob slipped from Susannah's trembling lips.

"It's not because I'm sad, I swear," she managed to choke out, even laughing a bit at the end. "I just never thought that I'd be this happy in all my life."

"_Nombre de Dios_, I know, _querida_! I know exactly what you mean," I assured her, trying and failing to stop the tears. Her tears seemed true to her oath. We sobbed silently into each other's arms for the next few moments.

The doctor came in, as did Susannah's father. He materialized in the far corner and observed silently, a slight smile playing on his wise features.

Susannah slid off the bed, hiding her slightly red lips from him.

"So, Mr. de Silva, I hear you had quite the ordeal tonight. Dropping unconscious for no apparent reason? We see this many a time, mostly common in stressed out students mixed with the common cold. I advise you to get a lot of sleep and you'll be good to go by Friday."

He turned to Susannah, acting as though noticing her for the first time since he'd been in. "Ah, you must be Mr. de Silva's sister, right?" Couldn't he see her pale skin and green eyes? He wasn't blind—he knew that we look nothing alike. He had an ulterior motive.

"No," I said in a hard voice. I woke up from a coma not a quarter of an hour before now—having just been brought miraculously back from the dead—and already the love of my life is being hit on? And right in front of me, no less! What is this world coming to?

"Girlfriend, actually. Thank you so much for what you did for Jesse," she said sarcastically. She didn't like him. The doctor had no part in my reawakening, yet he was taking credit for my recovery. If I ever became a doctor, I will use this man as an example of how not to behave to my patients.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind giving us a bit of privacy, I need to perform a few exams—"

"Susannah? You're parents are here," Father Dominic called from the doorway, cutting off Dr. Brown.

"I'll be back," Susannah muttered in my ear, after kissing my temple.

The doctor looked at my eyes, checked my reflexes, and examined my heart, among a myriad of other things. When he was done, he rattled off a list of things I shouldn't do for the next seventy-two hours. "No drilling, no welding, no living heavy objects, and I don't suggest driving or operating heavy machinery for the next twenty-four hours. No meat that hasn't been cooked properly—"

"Why would I knowingly eat meat that hasn't been cooked properly?"

He stared at me for a couple seconds before continuing. "No running, no sex—"

I stared at him in astonishment. "I'm not... I've never..." I trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"Wow, I wouldn't go around admitting that," he said, rolling his eyes. He wasn't much older than I am. His level of professionalism made me wonder if he had somehow obtained his medical degree over the Internet. "Anyway, I also suggest eating a lot of pasta; it will reload the carbohydrates that you've lost."

I glared at him and muttered an assurance that I'd do my best. He left the room and Richard, who had been biding his time in the corner, approached the bed.

"I've never seen someone as brave as you and my daughter tonight."

"I did nothing, Susannah is the one who made the critical decisions."

"You understand why she wanted to save you, don't you? She didn't want to lose you, but she saw you and she saw the life you could lead—the life you had ahead of you—and she couldn't take that away from you. Jesse, that had to be the hardest decision she has ever made in her life, and I've watched her make some pretty difficult choices." I wondered if he could somehow read my mind—he had addressed all of my earlier concerns.

"Mr. Simon… there's something I need to ask you. It's important."

"Before you go on, call me Richard. And is this something Susannah can know?"

"I'd rather her not…. Not yet."

"Then I suggest you wait a moment. She's coming back. Helen just drilled her for where she's been and she told her the Father's tale. Shall we continue this another time?"

"I'd like to," I assured him. Then I realized something shocking. "Wait! I can see you…."

"Yes, I am very well aware of this," he teased.

"I just... didn't think anything of it, I'm so used to seeing ghosts." He inclined his head and, with a small smile, vanished without a sound. "But I guess I should have noticed," I finished to myself.

"Jesse de Silva?" a puberty-ridden voice asked. I looked over to the doorway to see Susannah standing there with the tall, gangly redheaded David, the youngest of her stepbrothers.

"Hello, David," I smiled as his incredulous look. "It's been a while..."

* * *

OOH! CLIFFY! NOT! Yes, I know... HUGE cliffy when the whole book is already planned out and you all know what is going to happen. But I DID throw THAT part in there with the help of Saranicole!

So, anyway, I hope you review because wouldn't it be cool to put this over 100 reviews!??! The answer is YES! YES IT WOULD BE COOL! So PLEASE push the button to review, PLEASE! I REALLY want to get some pretty gosh darn rootenest, tootenest reveiws out there!

Did ya like?

Did ya hate?

Or do you just really not care?

Either way, REVIEW!

Thanks so much to all my reviewers out there, btw... I've responded personally to all the ones who signed in, and those who didn't sign in, I'll write back to you in the next installment of Jesse's Past, Chapter nine.

Before I end this REALLY long Author's note, I have to say thank you to a reviewer by the name of Sara and she left her email address, but I'm not allowed to email peeps back because my parents don't want my email out there, but I have to say, that was one of the most awesome reviews I've EVER gotten! Thank you SO much for that inspiring review and I hope you know how much that meant to me. It seriously made my day! And yes, I HAVE thought about doing Edward's POV...


	9. Chapter 9

**DUCKS AND COVERS OMG I AM SOO SORRY GUYS!!! Please don't hate me!!! When the site was slow on updating the things, I had PM'd my beta the EXTREMELY rough copy of this ninth chapter. She never got back to me and this was about in late December to mid January. I'm soo sorry guys! Then when I never got the PM back, I talked with Olivia (MoonShine Fairy) about it and we edited it a TON so now this chapter is MUCH better than its parent copy. Which is kinda sad. Olivia said she liked it, but the author is always the toughest critic. I hope you all like it and here is the ninth and FINAL copy of Jesse's past. JUST KIDDING!!! This is NOT the final chapter! Just kidding. lol**

**Oh, and I washed my cell phone. That was just great. I got a new battery though and now it works!! Cingular is awesome!! lol The little tyke is sooo durable! lol **

**Anything else new in my life that people might be remotely interested in? Hmm... not really.**

**Dedicated to: Shawn Hornbeck and Ben Ownby, the two boys who were found in Missouri--cause Jesse finally found his life, and don't we all deserve that? Hope the boys get better, we're praying for them!!**

**Disclaimer: If I went into the woods to call them, Jesse, Suze, Father D., and David, would not come to me. So therefore, they are not mind. Sadly…**

"_Hello, David," I smiled as his incredulous look. "It's been a while..."_

"David, I want you to meet, Jesse, 182 Pine Crest's former ghost." Susannah gestured broadly to me, and with her introduction came a slight sheen of sweat covering David's freckled-face.

"Jesse d-de Silva?" His voice went up a few octaves at the end. I smiled and pointed to a chair next to my bed for him to take a seat. He didn't.

"I think the last time we spoke was when Susannah had half your school fall on her." I wasn't sure if this was the best way to start off the conversation, but I guessed having something witty to say would break the ice. Or at least make him feel more comfortable around his former haunter.

"Um, yeah. Something like that." He wasn't a man of many words this evening. I'd heard him speak openly about sex—completely factual, not a romantic thought about it for him—, airplanes with the bump at the end, and many of the books that I've read, but the moment he finds something he can't diagnose, he freezes. I feel bad for the boy.

"David, Jesse's alive now. You don't have to be freaked out," Susannah teased.

"Leave the boy alone; he's probably terrified of me." I looked at Susannah and she nudged him forward a bit. I melted under her smile.

"I'm not scared." David's defiant voice cut in. "All the rules of science can't explain how you're here, Hector—"

"Please, call me Jesse."

"Sorry—Jesse, there is no explanation as to why you are here. Your body is decayed and buried and your living body was killed years ago. All that is left is your soul. Which was here for one hundred and fifty years, and it's impossible to reunite a soul with a decayed body."

"Some things can't always be grasped, David. They just have to be acknowledged."

Susannah started up again. "David, we're going to tell you something that you have to promise not to tell anybody. Not mom, not Andy, no one. You can talk to either one of us and ask us any questions that you have, but only come to us. Do you understand?" She looked him directly in the eye and I could scarcely believe what she was doing. She'd never even told the whole story to Gina.

He nodded vigorously. "You know I can see ghosts and I'm very rarely 'alone'. I've been able to see Jesse since I moved in with the rest of you."

"Can you touch them?" I should have known that David would have asked a question right after the first bit of information.

"Yes. That's how I always come home bruised and battered. In fact, Jesse's saved me multiple times. If it weren't for him that night that he got you, I wouldn't be here."

"C-can… I'm sorry, but I still don't understand how this could have all worked out. I mean, as far as the science, I understand, but to travel back in time?"

"Like I said, it's more of believing. You're Catholic, correct?" David nodded at me. "You believe in God?" Another nod. "You just believe. That's all there is to it. Don't question it, just accept. Sometimes it's easier that way."

David gave one final nod and whispered, "Your body has traveled one hundred and fifty years. You should be brittle and withered. Not this. It goes against science."

Susannah's shoulders drooped. "David, I thought you'd understand. Not understand, but accept it." Her voice was dejected. I knew it was hard for her to tell her brother this. She was letting him in and she doesn't do that much.

"I accept it… it's just hard."

"Give me your hand," I murmured, extending my right hand, palm up. David stood motionless, staring at my hand. Fear flashed in his eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to show you." I wanted Susannah to feel okay again. She was looking more and more remorseful as the moments passed. "David, please." He looked away from my hand and met my steady gaze. His blue eyes stared back, not trying to hide the trepidation he was experiencing. My eyes went soft, trying not to worry him. He was a mere child. He looked back to my hand and lifted his own. His fingers lightly brushed my palm. The tips rested near my wrist, feeling my pulse. He flattened his hand into mine, looked up, and smiled.

Susannah beamed.

"So you could have kissed Jesse, then?" Touching my hand seems to have liberated him. He shot me a look that clearly depicted brotherly love. And a fierce protective side. I tried my hardest not to emit laughter, but it was very difficult. Susannah's cheeks flushed scarlet. She affirmed it.

"So was Jesse your first kiss?" Now the kid was just a romantic.

But him saying this brought back a foul memory. "No," I growled, faking a glare at Susannah.

She let out a humorless laugh and said in a tight voice, "It's nothing, David. Just let it drop."

David didn't let it drop. He looked confused. "Not the _Michael_ boy? Suze, he tried to kill us!"

"Ew, No! David, of course not!"

"If only that were as bad as it got," I muttered. The ridiculous silk shirts. Susannah MUST have noticed those. In my day, had you worn a shirt like his you'd be a villain. I had silk vests, but those were purely for social engagements. They were made with colors and design. Not a silk for an idiot like the Tadpole.

"Tad was not worse than Michael, Jesse. It was nothing, David." She addressed this to her stepbrother, but I had a feeling she was reprimanding me. I didn't dislike him now that I knew of Susannah's feelings for me, but the way he treated her! He was a fiend! Had I not been there to oversee what he was doing, I wouldn't have doubted him going farther! And she LET him! "He was just a passing ship. Had Jesse made a move, he could have had me first." Again, she was addressing him, but she turned to look at me this time. I couldn't help but grin under her green-eyed gaze. Her eyes danced with mocking and her frown wasn't genuine.

"In 1850, had I done what that—" I said a word that I'd called Tad in the past "—had done, I'd have been hanged."

"You need to sleep. Arguing with me will get you no where," she scolded, playfully. As if on command, my eyelids slid down a bit and my head felt heavy from lack of sleep. A cool hand brushed hair away from my forehead and warm lips pressed against my temple. "Jesse, it's okay to sleep."

I reached up a hand to hold her wrist with my eyes closing. "No, stay," I slurred. I was being taken over by sleep and very rapidly. I didn't want to sleep, afraid that if I did, when I woke up everything would be back to normal. Well, our previous normal. I never wanted to be a ghost again, never to touch Susannah's hair and feel the texture, or to taste her lips. I want to experience more things, hold Susannah, lift heavy objects without my paranormal powers, get married, have children, and live my life with Susannah. I don't want that taken away from me, especially since I had so much hope now. Nothing can hold me back.

Little stick arms encircled my neck and a flurry of red hair blocked my vision. "You're really cool, Jesse." David's voice was whispering in my ear. "Thanks for helping Suze. She seems happy now." I held _mi querida_'s little brother tightly for a second, remembering the brotherly affection that I'd had for my siblings. I felt quite protective of the little boy, I thought absently as we released.

"Don't go," I pleaded. I reached up and laid a hand on her waist. I wanted to smell her scent again, to hold her hand and feel her skin against my skin. I wanted to have that feeling when she's close, my heart racing, my blood boiling, and the desire to be near her. I want to hold her head in the crook of my arm and feel her soft locks brush my shoulder.

"Shh," she soothed. "I'll be here until you can leave. I'm not going anywhere." Her voice sounded like it was directed at someone else when she said, "Come on, let's let him sleep. He's been through a lot." The door closed and so did my mind.

_I was walking down the same corridor that Susannah came to save me from when Paul's younger sibling, Jack exorcised me. The dark sky above me, even though it was seemingly endless, felt as though it was closing in around me, forcing the air I didn't need in this place out of my lungs._

_People were coming towards me. One broad figure who was obviously male. He was a bit shorter than me, due to the aging process. The crowd assembled in front of me._

_My family._

**Okay, DONE!! With this chapter at least! I'll have the next chapter out SOON cause I've got big plans for it... sort of. I hope this satisfied you all! Tell me if it wasn't as good or up to par. I hope you review cause that makes me happy!!!**

**Love all my readers, reviewers, and anybody that will give me a few moments of their time to read my rough edits of chapters!!!**

Love,

**MG**


	10. Chapter 10

Hola!!! Okay, so I almost want to not even show my face on fanfiction again... it's been... how long since my last update? Like... November? October? No excuses this time. Well, yeah, actually, one... I COULDN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH MY BETA!!! lol It's not her fault, we've just been totally busy when we are both awake at the same time considering she lives... oh, idk... six hours away! lol Love you soooo much Olivia!!! (Yeah, I had to go to the tea:P)

Here is the tenth chapter to Jesse's Past and I think it's the second to last chapter at the hospital and we can move on to the fun stuff where Jesse gets his life together and basically makes a life for him and Suze!! Can't wait! lol

Okay, Disclaimer: If I owned him, I wouldn't be sitting here dreaming I did. I'd be out with him at a concert of the county fair (which is a totally fun place to go with your boyfriend! lol Actually, I have no personal experience on this matter, but my BFOTB--if you watch gilmore girls, you soo know what I'm talking about! lol i'm not actually a bride and neither is she, but it's just fun to say!--had fun with her boyfriend and his younger siblings at the fair.)

Any Gilmore Girls watchers out there, my deepest regrets go out to the viewers because my BFOTB and I are sad... VERY sad. I think we might cry. WHAT WAS RORY THINKING?! I KNEW she was gonna say no but I wished she hadn't. I loved the line Logan said to her, "Remember when we were in the LBD and we you took my hand and we jumped from that building? Take this jump with me. Jump with me, Rory! Marry me?" I wanted her to say yes so badly. BUT LUKE AND LORELAI ARE GONNA BE TOGETHER!! I JUST KNOW IT!! LOVE THEM!!!

Okay, NOW is the story... sorry you had to listen to my incesent ramblings! I know this isnt' my own personal PM here!

Oh, and the none-italicized words are Spanish (a class I'm taking next year!)._

* * *

_

I wasn't sure if this was a dream or I was honestly in Purgatory, meeting my family after one hundred and fifty years. I took a few steps forward, feeling my boots and rough pants clinging to my legs and the loose fitted billowing shirt flap against my chest.

"Mamá_?" I murmured quietly in Spanish, her native language. My parents only knew their birth land's tongue, yet they'd made sure my sisters and I had knowledge of both jargons._

"_Jesse! _Mi bebé_!" She broke out of the cluster of my kin and ran for me, throwing her arms around my neck, causing her to be lifted a couple feet off the cloudy floor. She smelled just as I remembered her… of autumn winds, cinnamon spices, and of the apple pies that she was famous for in our town._

"Mamá_!" I cried as I wrapped my arms around her plump frame—the softest shoulder to cry on when I was a boy. "I'm so sorry, mama…."_

_"Jesse," she scolded, cutting me off. "_You love her! You must be with her! You waited for a reason and that reason was her_." Her voice wasn't how I remembered it. Possibly because we were in Shadowland. Possibly because my memories have faded. But ghostly memories weren't supposed to die away. And I stayed with my family until they were all… gone. Her voice was wispy and soft._

_"_Hijo (son)_." My mother had stepped back and in her place stood my father. I went to shake his hand. I don't remember ever hugging my father. He'd been a good man. One of the best men I had known. But he wasn't ever the type of father that would hold me. He held my sisters, but he kept his distance with me. Because I was the boy? Did he dislike me? He and I spoke. We spoke plenty. But he wasn't expressive with me._

**_Instead of shaking my hand, as I expected, he hugged me. For the first time ever that I can recall. My throat ached as my eyes willed the tears not to come. I closed my eyes and breathed in his smokey scent._**

_And one by one, I spoke with my sisters. They weren't mad. They were joyful. I'm afraid to wonder if they had done what I had, would I not be bitter, as they obviously were not? They'd welcomed be back with open arms after I abandoned them._

"_You are happy, no?" Isabelle, my third youngest sister asked, as if reading my mind. And who knows? Maybe they could up here. "Why be resentful when we see our brother the happiest he's ever been in both his first life and his afterlife?"_

_I reached to hug her, and she hugged me back. Mapi, my youngest sister came to me, her ratty old blanket in her hand—the one that was not having it's thumb sucked on—and gave me a hug around my leg. Picking her up, and resting her on my hip, I turned to the rest of my family. And again, one by one, they kissed and hugged me good-bye. One last time, until I meet them again in the afterlife._

_And then Susannah is next to me. Slipping her hand into mine and smiling up at me. I look over to my mother and she's glowing. Her smile is warm and I can tell she likes Susannah. A warm feeling bubbles up in my chest, almost making it hard to breathe, I'm so genuinely blissful._

_Susannah waves to my family as they slowly glimmer away._

My eyes fly open and I'm back in the bland hospital room that has been somewhat decorated by Susannah's boredness when I sleep. She took it upon herself to doodle on napkins with some crayons she had the nurse bring her.

She woke with a start, just as I had. Her wide green eyes were shocked and apologetic. "Oh, my God, Jesse! I'm so sorry! I came in here and you were completely limp and I was petrified. I had to check and make sure you were okay. If I had known you were with your parents, I wouldn't have come! I wondered if Paul had something to do with it, or if something went wrong and—"

I cut her off, not wanting her to worry. If anything, it was perfect that she had arrived. "It's okay, I wanted you to meet them someday. My mom likes you."

She laughed. "How can you tell? I was only there for like, five seconds!"

"She smiled. She was really happy. They weren't mad at all. I was extremely thankful for that. I was wondering if they'd hate me for abandoning them…. It felt good to know that for sure. Closure."

Susannah's face turned ashen. She looked guilty. "I never thought of how much that would affect them. I mean—I obviously knew they'd miss you when they thought you'd died, but I never even thought of the repercussions of not having another man around the ranch to help with responsibilities! What if something happened? Or they could have lost someone else? Or if money were tight…"

"Susannah, they were fine. I know they were. Let's not focus on that…. Let's—" I pulled her close, securing her face in my cupped hands— "focus" —her nose brushed mine— "on" — her sweet, warm breath blew against my lips, and I knew my own was doing the same on her— "us." And I kissed her.

We melted. I know how—as Susannah would put it—'lame' that sounded, but it's the only way to explain the feeling I received from this action. My resolve for keeping things chaste between us was crumbling. Nevertheless, I'd _never_ dishonor her. It was merely kissing her, so this couldn't be too terrible of a thing to do, correct? But it felt so good. To be holding her… I was always taught that something that is so wonderful—that makes you believe nothing is wrong and everything is perfect—could never be sinless.

It would be hard to keep the resolve. But I knew I could do it. I respected her too much. I knew Father Dominic would be disappointed in me. And her parents… I would never be able to speak to her parents without guilt again if I were to take away her purity. I had never had feelings like this before. Even when I was a ghost, these feelings weren't _this_ intense. What if she were to hate me if I wanted something more?

Her tongue flicked against mine, sending off a thousand zaps on my spinal cord. I closed my mouth off from hers, forcing myself to remember my upbringing. I pressed my lips to hers once more and broke away.

"Jesse…?" her voice was rough and breathless and I loved it.

"I love you, querida," I informed her. "I don't mean to do this. The things I'm doing."

"What you're doing?" Her voice was puzzled, and—in a way, sadly—returning to normal. "Jesse, you're perfect. You've never done anything to upset me."

"Kissing you like that is far to forward… feeling like that is another concept completely."

She laughed. "We've kissed like that before, Jesse. It probably feels different now that you're alive…." She brushed her lips against my temple. "Feeling like what?" she whispered softly, her breath warm on my skin.

"Like I can't keep control. Like I'm doing something wrong even though I want to continue what I'm doing," I admitted. I felt, rather than saw, her eyes on me.

"Jesse, it's okay to feel like that. You think I don't feel the same way? Trust me, everything I do with you is new to me too."

She kissed me softly, sending the monitor on my heart yelping.

The door opened so softly that we didn't hear. Susannah was softly stroking my hand when Father Dominic's voice cut through, sounding quite tired and anxious at the same time. "Susannah, I need you to come with me to fill out some papers. It could take a while. Since you'll be out you can also bring back some, perhaps, more _edible_ food for Jesse?"

"Uhm," she sounded confused. "Sure…?" She threw me a bewildered look before getting off the bed. "Jesse has to be here until five so we don't have to rush too much, or anything." Father Dominic was all but shoving Susannah out the doorway.

"Yes, well better to get this over with quickly. Let's us leave. We'll be back within the hour, Jesse," were his parting words.

The ludicrous doctor _had_ requested that I stay during the day and I can leave after five and all my tests are done, like Susannah had said. I could very easily tell him what was wrong with me, or what _had_ been wrong with me, but he'd never believe me.

The door reopened within seconds. David stood there, yet again. I didn't mind all the 'male bonding' as Susannah would call it, we were doing. I enjoyed talking to a young man that wasn't focused on his video games. I nearly laughed. _Nombre de Dios_, I was glad to be talking to _any_ person.

I wasn't tired so it was nice to have someone to talk to.

"Hey," he started with. He seemed reluctant to talk to me since our last conversation. I had assumed we were beyond that, but if he was uncomfortable, I wasn't going to make this hard on him.

"Hello, David. Did Susannah send you in here?"

"Yeah, pretty much." He grimaced. "Not that I wouldn't want to speak with you, Jesse! I always—"

I chuckled. "I know. You can just sit here and watch the television if you would like to."

He nodded and picked up a 'remote'—is that what's it's referred to? Susannah is always complaining that she can't find it—and settled on a channel that had a large _H_ in the bottom corner.

We sat there in silence for nearly an hour. He'd been quiet for all this time; it made me wonder if he was trying to ignore what has happened or if he was trying to wrap his mind around it more. Or was it something else?

"I think I know what you're thinking," I said, turning to him.

He looked surprised, but he said, in a skeptical way, "I highly doubt that, Jesse." His voice was soft.

"I'm a lot more perceptive than most people, David. I've been around a _lot_ longer than you have. I've seen more human interaction. Before Susannah came to you, I would see you in your room. You were sad."

He looked away from me. "I wouldn't have asked."

This confused me. Most children would have asked. Most children would have _begged_ if they knew their siblings had this ability.

"Why is this?"

He took a deep breath. His lip trembled slightly, as if refraining from letting his tears fall. "Because Suze would feel bad... If she saved my mom, Suze would never have met you and her telling me no would make her feel guilty. It'd be selfish of me."

I looked at him. For being so young, no more than fourteen, he certainly was very perceptive. Possibly more so than I was when I died—and I had six years on him then.

"You're a good child, David. I'm so sorry that Susannah and I cannot save your mother." I wasn't sure if it was a matter of "can't" or "won't" because I'm not sure if Susannah and I could physically be able to make ourselves be torn apart once more. And I don't want to be put in the position of having to find out.

"It's ok. If my mom had never… had never… p-passed away… I'd never have gotten to meet Suze. And her mom. And she wouldn't have you and I'd have never met you. There are many more pros than cons to this situation."

"It's okay to feel, Doc—I mean, David. You don't have to distance yourself from this. It isn't a science project. Life, I mean. Life isn't a science project. You have to live and experience things." He looked away.

It was then that Susannah barged into the room in a frenzy. She looked as if she'd slam the door as hard as she could if it wouldn't disrupt the hospital. Or if the door would slam at all—it closed slowly, like most business doors.

"Look at the ring that Father Dom is making me wear!" she shrieked.

* * *

What is Father D. making her wear?!

I can't wait to read the reviews (cause I SO know you are ALL gonna push that little perwinkle colored button and review me right?!)

I'd appreciate it!!  
Love yas all!  
MG


	11. Chapter 11

_Okay I'm gonna try to get back into writing this story a bit more… I've been super busy for the past year and LOADS has happened! Bit of excitement: I made Assistant Editor of my yearbook last year and now I'm officially the Yearbook Editor-N-Chief!! I got my first boyfriend and we've been together for almost 7 months now! (he's pretty awesome :D) Um, got my license, got into a wreck, but not in that order! lol Thank goodness it wasn't my fault… some kid pulled out in front of me on the highway going perpendicular to me! I just got back from having a cavity filled so I'm pretty numbed up and loopy :S_

_Disclaimer: Not mine._

_Get it?_

_Got it!_

_Good._

_So here's a teaser chapter, if you will, to Chapter 11._

_Enjoy (I wrote this a long time ago and never finished it. I just tweaked it in a couple places here so bear with me as it's not very good : (_

_Here's to Olivia (My forever MoonShine Fairy!)!! Thanks to listening to all my American whining :D lol I'm always here for ya babe!_

* * *

**Jesse's Past Chapter 11**

I studied her hand, unable to focus on it while she was using her hands to express her emotions.

"What was he thinking? 'Go get food for Jesse.' 'I've got some papers for you to fill out.' Pfft! Yeah, right! A ring!" She waved her hand up in the air and gestured wildly to it. "I thought priests weren't supposed to lie!"

"Susannah, I cannot see what he gave you if you keep waving your arms everywhere!" My eyes grew wide. "Susannah! I wouldn't—"

Too late.

_Twak_.

"Ouch! GAH!" She shook her hand in the air and tried to alleviate her pain from the metal contraption to my right.

"Come here," I said, taking the hand in question and pressing it between both my palms. "What's wrong?"

"This!" She pried her hand out from between mine and splayed her fingers and pointed to the left ring finger with the right index finger. "This stupid ring!" She jabbed at it repeatedly with great vigor.

"It looks as though it's a purity ring. They didn't have them when I was a child but they're part of the current customs for young women to wear them to show they will be pure until their wedding night when they can rightfully make love."

"Yes! That is exactly it! He said I had better be wearing it at all times and I had better mean it until my wedding night to you or whomever I decide to marry. Yes, he actually acted as though there would be someone else. I'll get back to that later, because I almost blew up at him for that. He said I'd be saying the Rosary five times! FIVE TIMES!! Not just one set, but ALL the sets five times if I wasn't wearing it or he found out we did something." She ended with a deep exhale. "I can't believe him."

"Oh, yes you can, _querida_. He just wants to protect you."

"I'll give him something to protect," she muttered under her breath.

* * *

_So there it is... Not up to par, ik but I hope to get it there possibly ? lol Have a good summer all you girls and guys (possibly?) and I'll try to update in the next couple of months, wish me luck :D_

_Oh, btw guys!! If you're into Twilight, the Eclipse Special Edition is out now in Hardcover along with New Moon Special Edition in paperback. In the ESE there is the first chapter of Breaking Dawn along with on the back of the cover is the cover art for Breaking Dawn and let me say it's nothing what I expected: It's BETTER!! Just a little tidbit :D_


End file.
